FIND A DATE
Find a date so your friends say. Join us for dinner and find a date to bring this weekend they ask you. Where do I begin finding a date? And then you panic! Maybe you just want to find someone for yourself, and it has nothing to do with a social situation. Well done, I am glad. Now that you are in a positive frame of mind, finding a date should not be as daunting as it first sounds. You can perhaps think of seeking out a date as a military campaign, as your life work, or just as part of your everyday relaxed social life routine. You never know, one of these days they may well turn into something more than a date. Well, that’s if that’s what you want of course. In the meantime let us concentrate on the task in hand. Finding any date is never easy that’s true, but it can be relatively easy or hard depending on your attitude to it.
First of all, why are you trying to find a date? Are you looking for a date to fulfill a social function? If you are why not just borrow a friend to help you out. Why not even hire a date from one of the many outlets if you can afford it. Now there is a huge difference between hiring a social companion for an event and, well, you know what. Yes I am not in anyway condoning the other. I am simply suggesting that there are professional agencies who can help you pay for a good looking date if that’s the situation. That aside we are concentrating here on those who are looking for a date with the purpose of romance.
Well this is presupposing that you don’t usually meet people and there are not too many of us who never meet anyone. What is true though is that we often believe we don’t meet anyone suitable. Maybe we are a single parent with home responsibilities, or someone who works from home. Perhaps we work unsociable hours and never meet anyone to date. Maybe we work with people much younger or older, or perhaps we really don’t have finely honed social skills. It could be that we are shy, private, quiet in a group or just unwilling to make the first move.
Well whatever the situation you need to take action. The first thing you want to do is top ensure your self esteem is at an all time high. You want to find a date you are going to have a great time with so make them feel special by looking good yourself
Give yourself a makeover
Buy some new clothes and update your image
Get a new haircut or hairstyle
Get a full beauty treatment and makeover
Visit your dentist and get those teeth looking pearl whiteGet a tan and freshen your skinGet to grips with latest styles and fashions
Treat yourself to a rejuvenating break
Read some new magazines and go shopping just to get the feel
Join a health club and get into a new health routine
Go on a diet and lose a few pounds or kilos if needed.
Take up a martial art or self defense classes
Have an increased positive mental attitude
The next thing you need to do in preparation to find a date is to think long and hard as to what you really hope to achieve and whether you have any fixed aims and timescales. Have a clear idea of the person you are kind of looking for, but do not be too specific. Keep your aim as broad as you can and finding a date will be easier. The other thing I want to point out is to be realistic when looking to find a date. Don’t aim to date a Hollywood superstar if it’s not likely to happen. Keep your feet on the ground and take a long hard look at your own life before walking into someone else’s. If you are a multimillionaire then keep that detail to yourself for now.
Here are things you can do to help yourself find a date...
Dating Close to Home
Begin by looking close to home. Is there anyone in your neighborhood or family circle who is single with who you get on great. Often, people stay single simply because they are not asked out on a date by anyone, not because they themselves are lonely. It’s time to do the asking. And yes, that includes the good looking people in this world. There are lots of local clubs and activity places including evening classes. It is often the best place to introduce yourself to people of the opposite sex in your local community. Try to choose something that involves both sexes. I once met a fantastic date due to being involved in pottery classes which I greatly enjoyed.
Dating At Work
It is claimed that 87% of people working in London who are attached, met through work or started dating at work. This doesn’t mean that they work together, but that in some way, work brought them into contact. Indeed one of my best friends met his wife through a work related phone call. I do not think personally that dating at work or dating someone within your own office is a good idea due to the possibilities of fallout and neither do I think it is constructive to your career. Relationship tensions within an office can cause problems with other workers and can antagonize work related issues. So on that score I recommend you steer well clear.
However most organization are linked to other firms, there are many offices with many groups of working. If you don’t attend the office parties, then maybe begin. Try joining in after work or attending after work social events, from bowling to trips to the bar or comedy store. It is all about making new friends as much as finding a date.
If you really don’t have many people you work with or work from home like me then you are going to need to look at other ways of extending your social circle.
Get Physical
That’s right, join the gym. To find a date you should look your best. After all if you have set your sights high then doesn’t your potential date deserve the best too? Good, so get down to the local health club and look at the possibilities of getting involved in a regular health regime. If you do so already, expand your horizons and make sure you are not just at a unisex gym. Try other sports and healthy activities from yachting to running to baseball to anything you may not have tried before. You will make fabulous new friends as well as finding a date. And you will be fit.
Ask Your Friends
The most common complaint amongst people who are in their late 20’s and thirties is that all their friends are married. In which case my friends, it is time to adapt. Married friends will not help you find a date. They tell you they will when they can and they may if you are lucky even introduce you in a well meaning way to people who happen to be single. This can work. Double dating can sometimes do the trick. After all you should trust your friends. But more often that not it doesn’t help you find a date because your friends do not necessarily know who you are looking to meet. Really you need to be taking control and finding a date yourself.
In which case you need some single friends. Flash - its easier finding a date with a group of like-minded people. Oh yes. I know your married friends are your longest companions and I know that they may not approve of a group of new single friends, but trying to find a date alone can be a lot harder than seeing a date with a group of like minded friends. In other words, there is confidence and safety when socializing in numbers. This will in turn open up new places and venues for you to visit. Your confidence levels may well increase exponentially too.
You can find new single friends everywhere. They are at work, close to home, at your clubs in your gym. You simply need to make some new friends and then join in. It is not as hard as you think. If you sat at home you will not find them, if you go out you will. When was the last time you phoned your old friends to catch up? Go do it now.
Join a Club
Activities really do bring people together and create new friends. If you are involved in something like a craft, or hobby, or sport then you are with like minded people already. You have something in common and it is a great icebreaker. If you are not a member of any club then consider what you are interested in and then consider if such an activity will introduce you to others. In most cases it will do. And consider this, there are many people also looking for a date who are also joining clubs for the same reason.
Join a Dating Agency
Dating agencies used to have a stigma attached but not anymore. Now its extremely fashionable finding a date online. Well your friends may suggest this is crazy but why is it? What do they know about it anyway? Nothing, exactly! Dating and finding a date is fun and very enjoyable. After all dating is about meeting new people and searching for a special connection. Dating agencies fall into two camps; traditional and Internet. The first are those traditional dating agencies which help you find a date but charge many hundreds of dollars to offer you the chance of meeting a few people they have manually matched you with in their database. They will then offer you the chance of meeting that person if both agree. It’s slow and long winded but it does work sometimes, though rarely are there guarantees of any kind. The main thing about such dating agencies is that they are often specialized in a certain area, maybe profession or financial level etc. Some may concentrate on the medical or legal profession; others may focus on say, executives in a certain region.
Internet Dating Agencies
The second kind of agency is the professional Internet dating and friendship agency accessible from your home PC. Most often, they are free to register with so that you can see who is in their database. The beauty of Internet dating agencies is that they are instantly accessible and you can search people you match with in private and comfort without spending a penny. You can view online photo Personals to help you find a date and you can take your time.
It is important when seeking a date to choose a reputable Internet dating agency such as www.lets-get-together.co.uk which can provide you not just with personal ads but also a safe and secure environment with advice and articles to read. When you are ready you can make contact with a database member anonymously through onsite email, chat rooms and private instant messaging. Companies like www.lets-get-together.co.uk now even include video chat services so you can see and talk to a prospective date.
After paying a small fee, you can communicate with as many members as you wish, safely and securely and very soon you may find that you have arranged not just one date but you have found dates for whenever you like. It is down to you. No standing in singles bars or being hit upon by strangers, or having to think up opening lines. Just convenient and relaxed dating whenever you choose.
If you aim to find a date, you should begin straight away. It is not always easy to take a step like this if you have been out of the dating arena for years. Maybe you have separated or divorce or been bereaved. In which case, do try and lift your spirits and take your romantic life back into your grasp. Think through the ideas I suggest and add some yourself also and maybe now take the initiative. Life is meant for living, but even more importantly, I believe its means for sharing with someone special. Find a date for yourself this week but more importantly, feel good about yourself.
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Monday, 30 April 2007
FIND A DATE
Find a date so your friends say. Join us for dinner and find a date to bring this weekend they ask you. Where do I begin finding a date? And then you panic! Maybe you just want to find someone for yourself, and it has nothing to do with a social situation. Well done, I am glad. Now that you are in a positive frame of mind, finding a date should not be as daunting as it first sounds. You can perhaps think of seeking out a date as a military campaign, as your life work, or just as part of your everyday relaxed social life routine. You never know, one of these days they may well turn into something more than a date. Well, that’s if that’s what you want of course. In the meantime let us concentrate on the task in hand. Finding any date is never easy that’s true, but it can be relatively easy or hard depending on your attitude to it.
First of all, why are you trying to find a date? Are you looking for a date to fulfill a social function? If you are why not just borrow a friend to help you out. Why not even hire a date from one of the many outlets if you can afford it. Now there is a huge difference between hiring a social companion for an event and, well, you know what. Yes I am not in anyway condoning the other. I am simply suggesting that there are professional agencies who can help you pay for a good looking date if that’s the situation. That aside we are concentrating here on those who are looking for a date with the purpose of romance.
Well this is presupposing that you don’t usually meet people and there are not too many of us who never meet anyone. What is true though is that we often believe we don’t meet anyone suitable. Maybe we are a single parent with home responsibilities, or someone who works from home. Perhaps we work unsociable hours and never meet anyone to date. Maybe we work with people much younger or older, or perhaps we really don’t have finely honed social skills. It could be that we are shy, private, quiet in a group or just unwilling to make the first move.
Well whatever the situation you need to take action. The first thing you want to do is top ensure your self esteem is at an all time high. You want to find a date you are going to have a great time with so make them feel special by looking good yourself
Give yourself a makeover
Buy some new clothes and update your image
Get a new haircut or hairstyle
Get a full beauty treatment and makeover
Visit your dentist and get those teeth looking pearl whiteGet a tan and freshen your skinGet to grips with latest styles and fashions
Treat yourself to a rejuvenating break
Read some new magazines and go shopping just to get the feel
Join a health club and get into a new health routine
Go on a diet and lose a few pounds or kilos if needed.
Take up a martial art or self defense classes
Have an increased positive mental attitude
The next thing you need to do in preparation to find a date is to think long and hard as to what you really hope to achieve and whether you have any fixed aims and timescales. Have a clear idea of the person you are kind of looking for, but do not be too specific. Keep your aim as broad as you can and finding a date will be easier. The other thing I want to point out is to be realistic when looking to find a date. Don’t aim to date a Hollywood superstar if it’s not likely to happen. Keep your feet on the ground and take a long hard look at your own life before walking into someone else’s. If you are a multimillionaire then keep that detail to yourself for now.
Here are things you can do to help yourself find a date...
Dating Close to Home
Begin by looking close to home. Is there anyone in your neighborhood or family circle who is single with who you get on great. Often, people stay single simply because they are not asked out on a date by anyone, not because they themselves are lonely. It’s time to do the asking. And yes, that includes the good looking people in this world. There are lots of local clubs and activity places including evening classes. It is often the best place to introduce yourself to people of the opposite sex in your local community. Try to choose something that involves both sexes. I once met a fantastic date due to being involved in pottery classes which I greatly enjoyed.
Dating At Work
It is claimed that 87% of people working in London who are attached, met through work or started dating at work. This doesn’t mean that they work together, but that in some way, work brought them into contact. Indeed one of my best friends met his wife through a work related phone call. I do not think personally that dating at work or dating someone within your own office is a good idea due to the possibilities of fallout and neither do I think it is constructive to your career. Relationship tensions within an office can cause problems with other workers and can antagonize work related issues. So on that score I recommend you steer well clear.
However most organization are linked to other firms, there are many offices with many groups of working. If you don’t attend the office parties, then maybe begin. Try joining in after work or attending after work social events, from bowling to trips to the bar or comedy store. It is all about making new friends as much as finding a date.
If you really don’t have many people you work with or work from home like me then you are going to need to look at other ways of extending your social circle.
Get Physical
That’s right, join the gym. To find a date you should look your best. After all if you have set your sights high then doesn’t your potential date deserve the best too? Good, so get down to the local health club and look at the possibilities of getting involved in a regular health regime. If you do so already, expand your horizons and make sure you are not just at a unisex gym. Try other sports and healthy activities from yachting to running to baseball to anything you may not have tried before. You will make fabulous new friends as well as finding a date. And you will be fit.
Ask Your Friends
The most common complaint amongst people who are in their late 20’s and thirties is that all their friends are married. In which case my friends, it is time to adapt. Married friends will not help you find a date. They tell you they will when they can and they may if you are lucky even introduce you in a well meaning way to people who happen to be single. This can work. Double dating can sometimes do the trick. After all you should trust your friends. But more often that not it doesn’t help you find a date because your friends do not necessarily know who you are looking to meet. Really you need to be taking control and finding a date yourself.
In which case you need some single friends. Flash - its easier finding a date with a group of like-minded people. Oh yes. I know your married friends are your longest companions and I know that they may not approve of a group of new single friends, but trying to find a date alone can be a lot harder than seeing a date with a group of like minded friends. In other words, there is confidence and safety when socializing in numbers. This will in turn open up new places and venues for you to visit. Your confidence levels may well increase exponentially too.
You can find new single friends everywhere. They are at work, close to home, at your clubs in your gym. You simply need to make some new friends and then join in. It is not as hard as you think. If you sat at home you will not find them, if you go out you will. When was the last time you phoned your old friends to catch up? Go do it now.
Join a Club
Activities really do bring people together and create new friends. If you are involved in something like a craft, or hobby, or sport then you are with like minded people already. You have something in common and it is a great icebreaker. If you are not a member of any club then consider what you are interested in and then consider if such an activity will introduce you to others. In most cases it will do. And consider this, there are many people also looking for a date who are also joining clubs for the same reason.
Join a Dating Agency
Dating agencies used to have a stigma attached but not anymore. Now its extremely fashionable finding a date online. Well your friends may suggest this is crazy but why is it? What do they know about it anyway? Nothing, exactly! Dating and finding a date is fun and very enjoyable. After all dating is about meeting new people and searching for a special connection. Dating agencies fall into two camps; traditional and Internet. The first are those traditional dating agencies which help you find a date but charge many hundreds of dollars to offer you the chance of meeting a few people they have manually matched you with in their database. They will then offer you the chance of meeting that person if both agree. It’s slow and long winded but it does work sometimes, though rarely are there guarantees of any kind. The main thing about such dating agencies is that they are often specialized in a certain area, maybe profession or financial level etc. Some may concentrate on the medical or legal profession; others may focus on say, executives in a certain region.
Internet Dating Agencies
The second kind of agency is the professional Internet dating and friendship agency accessible from your home PC. Most often, they are free to register with so that you can see who is in their database. The beauty of Internet dating agencies is that they are instantly accessible and you can search people you match with in private and comfort without spending a penny. You can view online photo Personals to help you find a date and you can take your time.
It is important when seeking a date to choose a reputable Internet dating agency such as www.lets-get-together.co.uk which can provide you not just with personal ads but also a safe and secure environment with advice and articles to read. When you are ready you can make contact with a database member anonymously through onsite email, chat rooms and private instant messaging. Companies like www.lets-get-together.co.uk now even include video chat services so you can see and talk to a prospective date.
After paying a small fee, you can communicate with as many members as you wish, safely and securely and very soon you may find that you have arranged not just one date but you have found dates for whenever you like. It is down to you. No standing in singles bars or being hit upon by strangers, or having to think up opening lines. Just convenient and relaxed dating whenever you choose.
If you aim to find a date, you should begin straight away. It is not always easy to take a step like this if you have been out of the dating arena for years. Maybe you have separated or divorce or been bereaved. In which case, do try and lift your spirits and take your romantic life back into your grasp. Think through the ideas I suggest and add some yourself also and maybe now take the initiative. Life is meant for living, but even more importantly, I believe its means for sharing with someone special. Find a date for yourself this week but more importantly, feel good about yourself.
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Find a date so your friends say. Join us for dinner and find a date to bring this weekend they ask you. Where do I begin finding a date? And then you panic! Maybe you just want to find someone for yourself, and it has nothing to do with a social situation. Well done, I am glad. Now that you are in a positive frame of mind, finding a date should not be as daunting as it first sounds. You can perhaps think of seeking out a date as a military campaign, as your life work, or just as part of your everyday relaxed social life routine. You never know, one of these days they may well turn into something more than a date. Well, that’s if that’s what you want of course. In the meantime let us concentrate on the task in hand. Finding any date is never easy that’s true, but it can be relatively easy or hard depending on your attitude to it.
First of all, why are you trying to find a date? Are you looking for a date to fulfill a social function? If you are why not just borrow a friend to help you out. Why not even hire a date from one of the many outlets if you can afford it. Now there is a huge difference between hiring a social companion for an event and, well, you know what. Yes I am not in anyway condoning the other. I am simply suggesting that there are professional agencies who can help you pay for a good looking date if that’s the situation. That aside we are concentrating here on those who are looking for a date with the purpose of romance.
Well this is presupposing that you don’t usually meet people and there are not too many of us who never meet anyone. What is true though is that we often believe we don’t meet anyone suitable. Maybe we are a single parent with home responsibilities, or someone who works from home. Perhaps we work unsociable hours and never meet anyone to date. Maybe we work with people much younger or older, or perhaps we really don’t have finely honed social skills. It could be that we are shy, private, quiet in a group or just unwilling to make the first move.
Well whatever the situation you need to take action. The first thing you want to do is top ensure your self esteem is at an all time high. You want to find a date you are going to have a great time with so make them feel special by looking good yourself
Give yourself a makeover
Buy some new clothes and update your image
Get a new haircut or hairstyle
Get a full beauty treatment and makeover
Visit your dentist and get those teeth looking pearl whiteGet a tan and freshen your skinGet to grips with latest styles and fashions
Treat yourself to a rejuvenating break
Read some new magazines and go shopping just to get the feel
Join a health club and get into a new health routine
Go on a diet and lose a few pounds or kilos if needed.
Take up a martial art or self defense classes
Have an increased positive mental attitude
The next thing you need to do in preparation to find a date is to think long and hard as to what you really hope to achieve and whether you have any fixed aims and timescales. Have a clear idea of the person you are kind of looking for, but do not be too specific. Keep your aim as broad as you can and finding a date will be easier. The other thing I want to point out is to be realistic when looking to find a date. Don’t aim to date a Hollywood superstar if it’s not likely to happen. Keep your feet on the ground and take a long hard look at your own life before walking into someone else’s. If you are a multimillionaire then keep that detail to yourself for now.
Here are things you can do to help yourself find a date...
Dating Close to Home
Begin by looking close to home. Is there anyone in your neighborhood or family circle who is single with who you get on great. Often, people stay single simply because they are not asked out on a date by anyone, not because they themselves are lonely. It’s time to do the asking. And yes, that includes the good looking people in this world. There are lots of local clubs and activity places including evening classes. It is often the best place to introduce yourself to people of the opposite sex in your local community. Try to choose something that involves both sexes. I once met a fantastic date due to being involved in pottery classes which I greatly enjoyed.
Dating At Work
It is claimed that 87% of people working in London who are attached, met through work or started dating at work. This doesn’t mean that they work together, but that in some way, work brought them into contact. Indeed one of my best friends met his wife through a work related phone call. I do not think personally that dating at work or dating someone within your own office is a good idea due to the possibilities of fallout and neither do I think it is constructive to your career. Relationship tensions within an office can cause problems with other workers and can antagonize work related issues. So on that score I recommend you steer well clear.
However most organization are linked to other firms, there are many offices with many groups of working. If you don’t attend the office parties, then maybe begin. Try joining in after work or attending after work social events, from bowling to trips to the bar or comedy store. It is all about making new friends as much as finding a date.
If you really don’t have many people you work with or work from home like me then you are going to need to look at other ways of extending your social circle.
Get Physical
That’s right, join the gym. To find a date you should look your best. After all if you have set your sights high then doesn’t your potential date deserve the best too? Good, so get down to the local health club and look at the possibilities of getting involved in a regular health regime. If you do so already, expand your horizons and make sure you are not just at a unisex gym. Try other sports and healthy activities from yachting to running to baseball to anything you may not have tried before. You will make fabulous new friends as well as finding a date. And you will be fit.
Ask Your Friends
The most common complaint amongst people who are in their late 20’s and thirties is that all their friends are married. In which case my friends, it is time to adapt. Married friends will not help you find a date. They tell you they will when they can and they may if you are lucky even introduce you in a well meaning way to people who happen to be single. This can work. Double dating can sometimes do the trick. After all you should trust your friends. But more often that not it doesn’t help you find a date because your friends do not necessarily know who you are looking to meet. Really you need to be taking control and finding a date yourself.
In which case you need some single friends. Flash - its easier finding a date with a group of like-minded people. Oh yes. I know your married friends are your longest companions and I know that they may not approve of a group of new single friends, but trying to find a date alone can be a lot harder than seeing a date with a group of like minded friends. In other words, there is confidence and safety when socializing in numbers. This will in turn open up new places and venues for you to visit. Your confidence levels may well increase exponentially too.
You can find new single friends everywhere. They are at work, close to home, at your clubs in your gym. You simply need to make some new friends and then join in. It is not as hard as you think. If you sat at home you will not find them, if you go out you will. When was the last time you phoned your old friends to catch up? Go do it now.
Join a Club
Activities really do bring people together and create new friends. If you are involved in something like a craft, or hobby, or sport then you are with like minded people already. You have something in common and it is a great icebreaker. If you are not a member of any club then consider what you are interested in and then consider if such an activity will introduce you to others. In most cases it will do. And consider this, there are many people also looking for a date who are also joining clubs for the same reason.
Join a Dating Agency
Dating agencies used to have a stigma attached but not anymore. Now its extremely fashionable finding a date online. Well your friends may suggest this is crazy but why is it? What do they know about it anyway? Nothing, exactly! Dating and finding a date is fun and very enjoyable. After all dating is about meeting new people and searching for a special connection. Dating agencies fall into two camps; traditional and Internet. The first are those traditional dating agencies which help you find a date but charge many hundreds of dollars to offer you the chance of meeting a few people they have manually matched you with in their database. They will then offer you the chance of meeting that person if both agree. It’s slow and long winded but it does work sometimes, though rarely are there guarantees of any kind. The main thing about such dating agencies is that they are often specialized in a certain area, maybe profession or financial level etc. Some may concentrate on the medical or legal profession; others may focus on say, executives in a certain region.
Internet Dating Agencies
The second kind of agency is the professional Internet dating and friendship agency accessible from your home PC. Most often, they are free to register with so that you can see who is in their database. The beauty of Internet dating agencies is that they are instantly accessible and you can search people you match with in private and comfort without spending a penny. You can view online photo Personals to help you find a date and you can take your time.
It is important when seeking a date to choose a reputable Internet dating agency such as www.lets-get-together.co.uk which can provide you not just with personal ads but also a safe and secure environment with advice and articles to read. When you are ready you can make contact with a database member anonymously through onsite email, chat rooms and private instant messaging. Companies like www.lets-get-together.co.uk now even include video chat services so you can see and talk to a prospective date.
After paying a small fee, you can communicate with as many members as you wish, safely and securely and very soon you may find that you have arranged not just one date but you have found dates for whenever you like. It is down to you. No standing in singles bars or being hit upon by strangers, or having to think up opening lines. Just convenient and relaxed dating whenever you choose.
If you aim to find a date, you should begin straight away. It is not always easy to take a step like this if you have been out of the dating arena for years. Maybe you have separated or divorce or been bereaved. In which case, do try and lift your spirits and take your romantic life back into your grasp. Think through the ideas I suggest and add some yourself also and maybe now take the initiative. Life is meant for living, but even more importantly, I believe its means for sharing with someone special. Find a date for yourself this week but more importantly, feel good about yourself.
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Sunday, 29 April 2007
THE NATURE OF DATING ADVICE
Dating advice is often given by the most well-meaning of people. Unfortunately they are often the least qualified people to give it. How many times have mothers mentioned that there are "plenty more fish in the sea”, when we announce our partner has finished the relationship. Most advice we receive is well meaning but also unhelpful. This is primarily because when we need advice the most if is usually from the wrong sources. When we need to talk, our friends just want us to get "better", be more positive etc.
The best dating advice often seems to come from people who have been in the same situations as ourselves and have gained some comforting wisdom that we can equate to. The more we understand and agree with what is being said, the more common and shared the experience the more it is something we will choose to take in. The problem when seeing dating advice is that there are not too many places to turn. Sure there is Relate for marriage counselling and there are professional agencies and "experts" to help those of us who are getting divorced, but there is almost nothing to help us when we do what everyone does - date.
I personally feel that the best dating advice available to us is from single people, those of us who are at the sharp end of the dating equation. When you are trying to find someone to take to dinner, or accompany you to a function, when you have weekend after weekend to fill and yearn to spend time in stimulating company then it is to single people that you must look for inspiration.
Strangely we seek out those who are in couples for support in times of crisis, perhaps because they have "made it", they are where we want to be, so we trust their judgment. But what brought them together is not necessarily of help to you. And believe me, people in relationships soon forget what it was like to be single. I have heard some of the most useless dating advice of all from couples so I recommend that if you are currently single and playing the dating game, compare notes with like minded people. Couples will drive you crazy and remind you too often how smugly nice it is to be happy.
When dating, the thing we should always remember is that advice is simply what someone else thinks might assist you. The person giving this advice may not necessarily have any idea of your true state of mind of your particular circumstances. How can someone know what you should say or what you should so, or where you should meet apart from the usual practical ideas. But then there is an equally and opposite forceful argument.
Your friends who are not dating are often able to see things from distance that you sometimes cannot. One good example of this was when I was in a two year relationship with a particularly nasty person and I was continually advised to run away as fast as I could. I was being used and abused and chose not to see it. I ignored the advice that may have saved me. Friends may be single and not currently dating. They may have just been through the dating treadmill and are full of good ideas. Therefore whilst we can discount the happy couple's advice, don't cut off the advice of friends fully.
Trust your own instincts and trust your judgment. Once you are in a relationship you will need all the judgment skills you can muster anyway. Personally though, I get tired of people working out set formulas about how we date. I get tired of lifestyle gurus who often have no idea what they are talking about. To some, dishing out the same old dating advice and garbage is a way of making a living. The fact is, if you are out there calling people, meeting for lunch dates or evening dinners. If you are making calls and waiting for your phone to ring, if you are having plenty of ups and downs then you are as much a dating expert as anyone and have as much right to your views on the dating scene as anyone. That is why I like to hear about single people's experiences.
Dating advice is not a fixed theorem with a fixed set of answers. Dating advice is varied, unique and individual and comes from the heart.
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Dating advice is often given by the most well-meaning of people. Unfortunately they are often the least qualified people to give it. How many times have mothers mentioned that there are "plenty more fish in the sea”, when we announce our partner has finished the relationship. Most advice we receive is well meaning but also unhelpful. This is primarily because when we need advice the most if is usually from the wrong sources. When we need to talk, our friends just want us to get "better", be more positive etc.
The best dating advice often seems to come from people who have been in the same situations as ourselves and have gained some comforting wisdom that we can equate to. The more we understand and agree with what is being said, the more common and shared the experience the more it is something we will choose to take in. The problem when seeing dating advice is that there are not too many places to turn. Sure there is Relate for marriage counselling and there are professional agencies and "experts" to help those of us who are getting divorced, but there is almost nothing to help us when we do what everyone does - date.
I personally feel that the best dating advice available to us is from single people, those of us who are at the sharp end of the dating equation. When you are trying to find someone to take to dinner, or accompany you to a function, when you have weekend after weekend to fill and yearn to spend time in stimulating company then it is to single people that you must look for inspiration.
Strangely we seek out those who are in couples for support in times of crisis, perhaps because they have "made it", they are where we want to be, so we trust their judgment. But what brought them together is not necessarily of help to you. And believe me, people in relationships soon forget what it was like to be single. I have heard some of the most useless dating advice of all from couples so I recommend that if you are currently single and playing the dating game, compare notes with like minded people. Couples will drive you crazy and remind you too often how smugly nice it is to be happy.
When dating, the thing we should always remember is that advice is simply what someone else thinks might assist you. The person giving this advice may not necessarily have any idea of your true state of mind of your particular circumstances. How can someone know what you should say or what you should so, or where you should meet apart from the usual practical ideas. But then there is an equally and opposite forceful argument.
Your friends who are not dating are often able to see things from distance that you sometimes cannot. One good example of this was when I was in a two year relationship with a particularly nasty person and I was continually advised to run away as fast as I could. I was being used and abused and chose not to see it. I ignored the advice that may have saved me. Friends may be single and not currently dating. They may have just been through the dating treadmill and are full of good ideas. Therefore whilst we can discount the happy couple's advice, don't cut off the advice of friends fully.
Trust your own instincts and trust your judgment. Once you are in a relationship you will need all the judgment skills you can muster anyway. Personally though, I get tired of people working out set formulas about how we date. I get tired of lifestyle gurus who often have no idea what they are talking about. To some, dishing out the same old dating advice and garbage is a way of making a living. The fact is, if you are out there calling people, meeting for lunch dates or evening dinners. If you are making calls and waiting for your phone to ring, if you are having plenty of ups and downs then you are as much a dating expert as anyone and have as much right to your views on the dating scene as anyone. That is why I like to hear about single people's experiences.
Dating advice is not a fixed theorem with a fixed set of answers. Dating advice is varied, unique and individual and comes from the heart.
Singles online dating Singles online dating Singles online dating Singles online dating Singles
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Saturday, 28 April 2007
ARE YOU TOO AVAILABLE?
Here is a truth, most single people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my single friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? For the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factors go through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere single mortals to do. When we meet singles we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next date. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train our single selves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A single friend of mine worked in a bar in Manchester and was always attracting single girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely single guy and probably one of the most reliable single men I have ever met. He wanted to know why single women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling for dates so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the single women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first. He maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the single girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, was someone the single girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful single girl whilst working in London and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the single girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days of the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the single person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right or Miss.Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
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Here is a truth, most single people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my single friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? For the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factors go through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere single mortals to do. When we meet singles we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next date. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train our single selves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A single friend of mine worked in a bar in Manchester and was always attracting single girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely single guy and probably one of the most reliable single men I have ever met. He wanted to know why single women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling for dates so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the single women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first. He maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the single girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, was someone the single girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful single girl whilst working in London and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the single girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days of the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the single person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right or Miss.Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
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Thursday, 26 April 2007
TOP 10 ROMANTIC SONGS
When considering our top ten romantic songs of all time the first thing that one things of is exactly how subjective this is. We all associate music with certain moments of out lives and where romantic music is concerned then it is even more subjective. One person may have deep romantic thoughts and happy memories when listening to Metallica whilst another may be provoked into tears by The Beatles. It depends on what we were listening to at the time something happened to us. The fact is, there are some romantic songs that simply appeal to the romantic ear of the masses and it is these listed here.
For people who are dating, music takes on a whole new meaning. We take out or our old favorites and remind ourselves of the music that makes us feel romantic. Romantic songs heighten our feelings, our moods, our sense of romance. Just like movies love songs are often imbued with a sense of sadness but none of us can denounce how important music is in our attitudes to love. Some of the best modern songs are written about love, dating and romance. It is the subject that inspires us to write songs the most.
Go and get your old CDs out and give some of these tracks a try. Remind yourself of exactly how good some of these tracks are. In fact, why not get round your love, or if you are single, just yourself and try and rediscover your very favorite romantic tracks.
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
Gosh you may hate this but it is a masterpiece of romantic melodies with the rousing crescendo towards the end. Who wouldn't want to stand at the front of a ship with arms outstretched? Whilst now the subject of parody in some areas, it still brings a lump to our throat. Ask yourself would you die for your love? They'd like to think you would...
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
An ode to your loved one and sung with heartfelt honesty by Mr. Clapton. The beauty of this love song is in its romantic simplicity. A love song about being proud to be with someone, a song of compliments and a song of love, you can't do better than this for classic romantic sentiment.
Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith
Indeed I don't and neither do you which is why this song is such a romantic masterpiece. The gladiator song of romantic modern classics in fact. Steven Tyler in full throttle, rousing lyrics and chorus and superb video to boot. The sentiment is there, the voice the attitude and even the opening few words are class "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing...". Get playing it now.
Back for Good – Take That
OK so technically it’s about splitting up but it’s gorgeous. Who can’t feel for Gary as he sings the lyrics? Who hasn’t been there? Done that? Felt that? Plus it’ll make you home on to your love a little bit harder.
All Time Love – Will Young
Isn’t it what we’re all looking for? That all time love? Will’s classic song reminds us that it’s worth remembering that The One is out there and maybe we don’t have to look as hard as we do to see them. Plus the piano and strings make this one classy song.
We've Only Just Begun - The Carpenters
Cheesy and corny? Absolutely not, a romantic masterpiece without equal. If you haven't played this in some time just listen to Karen's voice. It is like listening to perfection, like chocolate, like silk, with inflection and emotion. My silly words here cannot do this song justice, it just needs to be played. A romantic all time classic, even more so when related to Karen's own tragic demise one month short of her 33rd birthday.
Wishing on a Star - Rose Royce
This song appears in many a top ten list from its initial ear-piercing opening to the drop in tone as we move into melodic verse to refrain. The sentiment of the song is beautiful and captures in an instant the essence of what romance should be. A modern work of art and there was no way I was leaving this out.
Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye
Original, sexy and very soave, this is music to make love by. What makes this song so romantic and so sexy is the way Mr. Gaye trapped every word and made us swallow it like oysters with champagne. Its late in the evening, the meal was excellent, she is sitting in front of the fire looking exquisite, what are you waiting for? There could have been a mini baby boom down to this song.
The Day Before You Came - ABBA
I have always had a real soft spot for ABBA and this has remained unchanged over the last 25 years. A super group of true stature and without parallel in terms of music craftsmanship - song after song. It comes as a surprise therefore to some that I select this particular melody for this list. The fact is, the song deals with some extraordinarily powerful emotions and romantic ideas over its 6 minutes of so in length. Essentially Agnetha is telling us a story in retrospect about a relationship from beginning to end by telling with huge irony what her day was like before you walked through the door. Spine tingling and beautiful and the video is great too.
Me and Mrs. Jones - Al Green
Smooch music, kissing music, velvety notes, deep luscious tones, laid back lyrics. Who knows. The point is that this is Soul from the soul - maybe food for the soul if I want to use clichés. It's smooth, it's sexy it's an afternoon away from work with your sexy lover. Its romantic, it's slightly naughty and it makes us feel good. So good it made it into this top 10.
Your task now is to go and make your own list and rediscover some romance in your CD collection.
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When considering our top ten romantic songs of all time the first thing that one things of is exactly how subjective this is. We all associate music with certain moments of out lives and where romantic music is concerned then it is even more subjective. One person may have deep romantic thoughts and happy memories when listening to Metallica whilst another may be provoked into tears by The Beatles. It depends on what we were listening to at the time something happened to us. The fact is, there are some romantic songs that simply appeal to the romantic ear of the masses and it is these listed here.
For people who are dating, music takes on a whole new meaning. We take out or our old favorites and remind ourselves of the music that makes us feel romantic. Romantic songs heighten our feelings, our moods, our sense of romance. Just like movies love songs are often imbued with a sense of sadness but none of us can denounce how important music is in our attitudes to love. Some of the best modern songs are written about love, dating and romance. It is the subject that inspires us to write songs the most.
Go and get your old CDs out and give some of these tracks a try. Remind yourself of exactly how good some of these tracks are. In fact, why not get round your love, or if you are single, just yourself and try and rediscover your very favorite romantic tracks.
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
Gosh you may hate this but it is a masterpiece of romantic melodies with the rousing crescendo towards the end. Who wouldn't want to stand at the front of a ship with arms outstretched? Whilst now the subject of parody in some areas, it still brings a lump to our throat. Ask yourself would you die for your love? They'd like to think you would...
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
An ode to your loved one and sung with heartfelt honesty by Mr. Clapton. The beauty of this love song is in its romantic simplicity. A love song about being proud to be with someone, a song of compliments and a song of love, you can't do better than this for classic romantic sentiment.
Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith
Indeed I don't and neither do you which is why this song is such a romantic masterpiece. The gladiator song of romantic modern classics in fact. Steven Tyler in full throttle, rousing lyrics and chorus and superb video to boot. The sentiment is there, the voice the attitude and even the opening few words are class "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing...". Get playing it now.
Back for Good – Take That
OK so technically it’s about splitting up but it’s gorgeous. Who can’t feel for Gary as he sings the lyrics? Who hasn’t been there? Done that? Felt that? Plus it’ll make you home on to your love a little bit harder.
All Time Love – Will Young
Isn’t it what we’re all looking for? That all time love? Will’s classic song reminds us that it’s worth remembering that The One is out there and maybe we don’t have to look as hard as we do to see them. Plus the piano and strings make this one classy song.
We've Only Just Begun - The Carpenters
Cheesy and corny? Absolutely not, a romantic masterpiece without equal. If you haven't played this in some time just listen to Karen's voice. It is like listening to perfection, like chocolate, like silk, with inflection and emotion. My silly words here cannot do this song justice, it just needs to be played. A romantic all time classic, even more so when related to Karen's own tragic demise one month short of her 33rd birthday.
Wishing on a Star - Rose Royce
This song appears in many a top ten list from its initial ear-piercing opening to the drop in tone as we move into melodic verse to refrain. The sentiment of the song is beautiful and captures in an instant the essence of what romance should be. A modern work of art and there was no way I was leaving this out.
Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye
Original, sexy and very soave, this is music to make love by. What makes this song so romantic and so sexy is the way Mr. Gaye trapped every word and made us swallow it like oysters with champagne. Its late in the evening, the meal was excellent, she is sitting in front of the fire looking exquisite, what are you waiting for? There could have been a mini baby boom down to this song.
The Day Before You Came - ABBA
I have always had a real soft spot for ABBA and this has remained unchanged over the last 25 years. A super group of true stature and without parallel in terms of music craftsmanship - song after song. It comes as a surprise therefore to some that I select this particular melody for this list. The fact is, the song deals with some extraordinarily powerful emotions and romantic ideas over its 6 minutes of so in length. Essentially Agnetha is telling us a story in retrospect about a relationship from beginning to end by telling with huge irony what her day was like before you walked through the door. Spine tingling and beautiful and the video is great too.
Me and Mrs. Jones - Al Green
Smooch music, kissing music, velvety notes, deep luscious tones, laid back lyrics. Who knows. The point is that this is Soul from the soul - maybe food for the soul if I want to use clichés. It's smooth, it's sexy it's an afternoon away from work with your sexy lover. Its romantic, it's slightly naughty and it makes us feel good. So good it made it into this top 10.
Your task now is to go and make your own list and rediscover some romance in your CD collection.
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