DATING ESSENTIALS FOR MEN
When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff, it is always worth reminding ourselves, as single men, how to get the foundations right.

Bathe
This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Single women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippy that hadn’t bathed for a while. It doesn’t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, single girls have bad hair days all the time) she won’t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!

Arrive on Time
The worst thing you can do on your date is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don’t want her to think. Single women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will your date think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking your date up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won’t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don’t!

Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for your date, let your date walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Single women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.

Compliment Her
The first thing to say to your date is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the colour of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A single woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.

Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask your date questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a single woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.

I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a single man and single woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.

Prepare
The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dries up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.

Who Will Pay?
This is a really tough question, as now single women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.

The Goodnight Kiss
Some single women prefer not to kiss after a date; others are disappointed if the single guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.

I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on dating her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don’t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know.



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ROMANTIC DESTINATIONS

Romance can be found everywhere and anywhere, its in the air that we breathe, the smiles people give to us and in the things that make us laugh and be happy with our partner. But sometimes romance is in a special place too. We may have found love and romance at home and abroad, on vacation or just in a moment. Yet there are some places that smell of romance, that exude love and simply are romantic destinations and so here we discuss some favorite places that fit the bill.

Just what makes a place a top romantic destination is open to many factors. The first of course may be the weather, warm and sunny appears to be favored by most. Lingering on a soft white beach under swaying palms appeals to all of us who undergo annual cold winters. However, I have been to destinations that have been snowbound, only to find them gorgeously romantic. For me, winter is a great season and my top romantic destinations include some fantastic ski resorts. St Moritz at Christmas is a great example as is Valmorel after a snowfall, or Zermatt on New Year’s Eve. So clearly then it is not just the weather that feeds us romantic feelings about a place though it is a factor.

A top romantic destination has to look right. A pretty village in the Alps is romantic and appealing; a New England village in the Fall is romantic for walking, a walk on a deserted beach on the northern coast of Koh Samui is extremely romantic to hold hands. Where better perhaps that a stroll along the Seine in Paris in early spring to feel overwhelmed by love and romance as you walk hand in hand with your partner. The same may be said of Barcelona in Spring, walking through the squares before the heavy oppression of a hot Mediterranean summer sets in. And here we find more clues in my words, walking and Spring! Walking of course brings a sense of communion and togetherness in any location or destination. We remember walks together fondly in many places whilst springtime is our own regeneration after winter. Springtime is a good season to find romance in a place.

Springtime is for many of us a wake up call, an out with the old in with the new feeling. A time for Spring cleaning, for freshness, for renewal. Clean air, sunlight and flowers. The earth wakes up and so do we. So we are often drawn to romantic destinations that obviate these sensory factors. For example, I have never been so alive as on visiting Amsterdam one spring when the small lanes were alive with the rich color of tulip flower markets. I was overjoyed with a sense of the ability to find romance there.

Romance in a place can be found from its history and architectural properties, which is why so many of the ancient and great cities of the world are poplar romantic destinations for lovers. From the Great Wall of China, to Paris, Rome, Florence, Milan, Amsterdam, Sydney, New York and Vienna, all have a magnificent historical heritage that pervades all and leads us into a sense of historical romance that requires us to take someone’s hand as we breathe in all around us.

So I think that the key elements of top romantic destinations are:
• Weather• Beauty• History• Company• Location
So whilst we live to find romance in the Caribbean and the South Seas, dreaming of white deserted beaches and swaying palms, trade winds and butterfly kisses at dawn or sunset, languid afternoons by the lagoon pools and tropical mischief on a languid evening, let us not forget that there are many destinations across the world that are not only romantic in themselves, but can emphasize the romance that already exists within each of us.
Here are ten of my personal top romantic destinations and romantic places for myself.
Amsterdam in deepest winter
There are fewer places on earth more romantic than Amsterdam in deepest winter in my opinion. Ancient churches, frozen waterways, snow-heavy skies, shimmering shops all nestle along walkways through beautifully old streets in this most pleasant of cultural cities. Its a cultural melting pot where you can find romance on every corner. Combine ancient cobbled streets of lilting Dutch town houses, set against frozen canals, people scuttling along on cycles, starlit book shops crowding in sulky corners, fabulous food stores, eateries and restaurants, bars that are heaven-sent and the relaxed nature of the Dutch and it is a vibrant and exciting city ideal for a first break away with a loved-one. With bells tolling from churches at dawn, the shimmering waters of canals everywhere, ancient beautiful architecture, flowers on street corners, this city is most certainly picturesque. The winter and snows certainly add the topping to a place that already exudes history and you can imagine yourself with your loved on starring in your very own European cinematic romance set against a beautiful and vivid backdrop. Firmly recommended.
Hong Kong at Sunset
To many the romance of Hong Kong can be easily missed. A bustling metropolis acting as a gateway to a throng a different Asian cultures, Hong Kong certainly doesn’t stand still. But amongst it all are two of the most amazing sights on earth that should only be witnessed with your loved one. The first is sitting in the Peninsula hotel top floor bar on the Kowloon side watching sunset and darkness fall upon Honk Kong itself. As day turns to night you can take the hand of your loved on and watch as neon begins to light up probably one of the seven most wondrous views in the modern world. All taken with a Gin and Tonic. If this is how we find romance, then it's the best.
The other is to repeat the exercise of sunset but this time by taking the cable car to the top of the Peak. Go behind the peak café and restaurant to the viewing platform where you can watch sunset over Kowloon, but this time make sure that you kiss you partner for a long time. Because you will remember it forever.
Niagra Falls in Late Spring
Until you have seen the horseshoes falls from the Canadian side in late Spring, you haven’t lived. Spectacular this place is, beyond belief. Take your partner, book into the hotel at its side and spend the most romantic weekend of your life. Love and romance your partner here until they melt. I can’t add any more to this because you just have to take your loved one and go there – today. Why late spring? Well at this time of year the warm sun gives the entire falls a golden glow that makes it such a romantic place. Take a glass of champagne in one had and the hand of your loved one in the other ands find romance here for yourselves.
Anchorage Alaska on the longest day
Romantic destinations take many forms but I found the experience of Anchorage, a beautiful place in the summer, awe inspiringly beautiful. For me it is a place of love and romance as much as of breathtaking scenery. You may be surprised that I list it as one of my favorite romantic places but you just have to visit and relax in this beautiful place. There are so many things to do with your partner in this area that you will lose count, but I think that around June 21st when it remains light for most of the night is so much of an experience that it’s a time and place for something special. It is a top romantic destination for sure. It’s a place to feel alive and share something emotional and help that feeling of togetherness. A special place.
Bali in October
As far as romantic places go, this is perfect. This has to be one of the world's top romantic destinations, especially for couples. As it’s a tropical isle it doesn’t become romantic because of its climate, though it does reek of paradise after getting away from the airport. I’d point you and your chose partner straight towards the Bali Cliff resort at the southern tip of the island or Lovina Beach on the northern coast. Either places at this time of the year are quiet whilst the weather remains perfect. If I was to choose the perfect place for a date, to embody the love and romance of my relationship, or even maybe to propose, I’d choose Lovina beach at dawn in an outrigger canoe as the dolphins race past chasing tuna and the sun breaks the horizon. It doesn’t get any more romantic or special than this. Just save it to say 'I do'.
Paris in early Spring
As far as romantic places go, Paris has to be a prime choice in my book. Traditional it may be, but romantic, it most certainly is. Spring time has to be the perfect season too. Culture, history, gastronomic delights, superb wine and walks beyond all walks. Take your partner to the top of the Eiffel tower, over to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa and then shoot about the metro visiting Montmartre and the Left bank then take a long walk together along the many tree lined boulevards. The essence of Paris is the simple act of being together walking, visiting and seeing and finding romance in private. Its special, it is one of my favorite romantic places at any time of year but I loved Paris in early spring and I think you both will too.
The English Lake District in early Winter
The English Lakes in north-western England is loved by many during the summer months but the things that brings it romance is the solace that winter brings. But I believe it is a top romantic destination at this time of year. I find romance here when the ancient villages are quiet, the restaurants available and we can walk where we please. There are a plethora of well-hidden Lakeland hotels nestling in trees ready to cater as a lovers paradise. If you are looking for log fires, thick rugs, four poser beds and romantic walks round local lakes then go in November or January and I’d go as far as saying that it’s the perfect place to fall in love.
New York in February
What hasn’t been written about New York may not be worth writing. But for me New York in February is the epitome of classic romance and one of the top romantic destinations for anyone. How many romantic movies have been made in this city – lots, and this is for a reason. Why is it romantic? Easy, combine cold, snow, superb shopping and ice skating in central park and you have everything that is perfect about close times together. Sightseeing is unlimited, restaurants with tables for two are everywhere and I believe there is something special about wrapping up warm and getting outdoors with the person you love. If you are going to find love and romance in a city, its possible it will be New York. Walking in Central park in the snow has got to be a life long memory of how love really should be.
Cyprus before Summer
It’s the birthplace of Venus, what more needs to be said about finding love and romance. Stick to the west side of this island around Paphos for perfect sunsets, sun for 360 days a year, remote bays and fresh seafood. Top quality hotels abound and this is essential for many romantic destinations. But the single thing that makes this island romantic for me are the lonely drives by car up into the fresh alpine interior. Seemingly unexplored valleys, high passes and the sweet scent of pine everywhere, this is a beautiful place. Open the door and breathe, then kiss each other. Deeply. Definitely one of my top romantic destinations of all to find romance in a sunset.
Koh Samui in November
Why not round the year off with one of my favorite romantic places on earth. The island of Koh Samui in the Thai gulf is more famous for its near-neighbour which is the inspiration for the book and movie, The Beach. But the reason I list this as a top romantic destination isn’t the quaint airport with wooden huts in a jungle clearing, or the Golden Buddha on the northern coast, it’s the simple delight at this time of year of taking a small beach bungalow with your loved one and walking bare footed on white sand beaches and treading the first footsteps of the day. Or using a fallen coconut as a drinking vessel and play ball. Watch endless sunsets and find romance in the moment, eat perfect food in quiet surroundings and imagine you are both lost at sea. It’s a place to be with someone, to be quiet, to be solitary and to feel very much the love and romance of the place.



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THE RULES OF DATING
The problem with the dating game is that there are dating rules to follow and most of them we forget as we grow older. You see, when we are young our fellow friends at school and college reinforce the way things should be done when dealing with potential dates. Yes you should wear that, no you never say that, yes you should do this, but no you never do that. Then we grow up. For a time we are completely aware of the rules of dating and we practice those rules every time we meet someone. But then we meet someone perhaps, fall in love and have a relationship. Little by little the things we learned over our formative years when dealing with the fairer sex are lost and are in fact unlearned.

Then one day we are unwillingly thrust back onto the dating scene only to find that we start behaving like 12 year olds. We call our dates too often, we are constantly available, we wear the wrong clothes, laugh at bad jokes like a fool, date the wrong people and generally get it all badly wrong. Then we get hurt or taken for a ride. Of course there will be some of you reading this that are the very epitome of dating sophistication, but the truth is, when you lose your heart you also lose your head. If you are going to date well then give these key do's and don'ts of dating some serious consideration. Dating rules are very important if you want to win and keep your perfect match.


Dating Rules - Do's

1. Do try to look your best and be punctual on dates

2. Do have fun when dating. I know the subject of Mr. or Miss Right is serious but dating is fun too so keep it that way.

3. Do flatter and compliment your date on the way they look and the things they wear. People tend to go to a lot of effort on a date (hopefully) so being told that you are looking good is a nice thing to hear.

4. Be interested and interesting. As the Pet Shop Boys once said, I was never bored because I was never being boring" or something similar. You get my drift.

5. Do tell someone if you are not interested in dating them again. Being lied to and hopes kept alive is an evil and malicious act (yes I mean it that strongly). If you don't want to see someone again then let them know that in the nicest possible way you can.

6. Do date the type of people you like and are attracted to, whatever your friends may say. Approval by your peers doesn't prove a thing.

7. Do stay positive even when dates don't end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way you will meet some nice people too and make some good contacts possibly.

8. Dating is a creative diversion, it requires concentration and energy so when you are dating keep some plans in the forefront of your mind and allow dating to take you to places you always wanted to visit within your own city.

9. Do make dating happen for yourself. People will not come and ring your bell from nowhere. Dating requires positive action so go out there and meet people, as many people as you can. Practice your chat and flirting on shop workers, bar attendants, anywhere and everywhere. Being nice to people is very sexy and great fun.

10. Do surround yourself with positive like minded people who are also dating. Think about the girls from Sex and the City and how they assist each other in dating and matters of romance. Negative friends who don't condone the dating scene or don't understand it will only help lower your own expectations and make you feel negative.

Dating Rules - Don'ts

1. Never call someone more than once a day unless they reply. Desperation and instability are huge turn offs.

2. Don't date the people who you usually find dump you. You may be generally attracted to bastards but that will not get you anywhere except hurt.

3. For men, never ever be late for a date, even if you have a very good reason. Women should never be kept waiting and should never have to seat themselves - ever.

4. Never tell lies to your date or pretend anything about your life that isn't true. If this is your perfect match for God's sake do not allow it to be ruined by some silly lie told early on.

5. Never be too available. Being available every night of the week and at the end of every whimsical phone call or possible rendezvous means you are making yourself uninteresting and a possible doormat. Be busy, be unavailable generally and be interesting.

6. Don't give away too much about yourself at the start. People love enigma and mystery. Revealing to your new date your inner most secrets on date number two will quickly ruin everything. A small bit at a time people.

7. Never check other people out when you are with your date. You may think you are subtle, your date will be heading for the door. Have the courtesy of concentrating solely on your date when you are with them.

8. Don't be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy and manners will get you everywhere.

9. Don't ignore your personal safety when dating. Have a cellular phone and keep it charged, tell your friends where you are going and be safe. Date at first in well known public places and never ever be pushed into anything you are not happy with.

10. Don't give out personal information like home phone numbers and addresses on a first date. Keep them until you are sure of your date and the future possibilities.

11. Don't have sex on a first date if you ever want to see your new date again. If you like them and are interested in them, sex on a first date will usually ruin everything. Its too much too soon and is not the way of romance. Believe me I am 100% certain on this.

12. Never date a married person. They will not leave their husbands or wives for you (except exceptionally rarely). Married dating is the sure fire way to misery, lies, deceit, lack of self respect and loss of romance. If you are married, separate first. If you are single, don't be a shoulder to cry on, you deserve far better.

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BODY LANGUAGE FOR SINGLE WOMEN

This is the language where you don't need any words. Single women have been doing it for hundreds of years - to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man, and sending the get-lost signal to the wrong man.

Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the single male target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once the single man turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you - a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.

If there is a single man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don’t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.

First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous single neighbour, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? You aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most single people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous single neighbour.

The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to single men. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.

Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.

Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the single man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.

As for ways to send a single man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.

A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it's time to get down and dirty, or when you're best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.
Don’t tease single men by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.…
Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.
And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, "Looking for Love."


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DATING RULES FOR MEN

You are a guy who knows how to date, you are a guy who hasn't dated in years, you are a guy who has never been successful with women. Whatever your situation there are some common dating rules to follow when venturing into the dating jungle. These rules are simply to protect your emotional state and to ensure even handed success. Women are trained from day one in the art of dating warfare. They have a physical and emotional arsenal that you may never hope to match. But don't be outgunned, be prepared my friends as the dating battle isn't over yet buddy.

1. LOOK YOUR BEST. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes even if the last time you checked your Nike's out was 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don't just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her? Oh yes and buy a good well tailored suit, there is no excuse not to.

2. HYGIENE AND STYLING. Down to the barbers and sort out your hair, get a decent style if possible. If you don't have much hair still get down to the salon and either get your head shaved or something you can handle. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Yes that means some expense. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine and smell good always. Women appreciate it.

3. SORT OUT THE JOB. Women want a man who has some ambition in life so coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (by the way I love skateboarding!) Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. Change job if need be but at least try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself. If you already do, then you are on the right track but know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future because they will be asking questions about your prospects even if they pretend it isn't important. It is.

4. BUILD UP KNOWLEDGE. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity and laziness is no excuse either. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world outside. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously, if you don't have plans to travel, get some. Being able and willing to sort out holidays is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. CUT BACK ON BOOZE. This will never win any fair princess's heart. If you love your booze sort yourself out as there are other things in life too. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, but give them the impression that you live in there will get you absolutely nowhere - fast.

6. NOT TOO MUCH SPORT. If sport is a religion you may have a problem but everything by degrees guys. If you are serious about dating then ramming the subject of soccer, ball games or football down your date's throat will put them off in record time. Sport to the uninitiated is completely boring and shows not only sheep mentality to a woman but lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sport too and that is fine but don't make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. NO TO FIRST DATE SEX. If all you are after is sex you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams there is nothing more sexy than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman so do it instead of thinking with your balls.

10. BE A GENTLEMAN. A woman likes being treated well, particularly with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant, know about fashion and jewelry and in particular flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you should not go wrong.

11. LISTEN WELL. Keep your date interested but don't turn into a one man entertainer. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her by the bucketful. Fact.

12. NO SMOKING. It’s obvious why.

13. LEARN TO DANCE. Women love to dance and dancing is a physical contact sport (or can be). It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world's worst dancer, I don't care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. If you can join Salsa and dancing classes all the better. You don't need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.

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PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Don't be fooled by yourself or kind hearted friends. Looks matter in the dating game and never more so than in the media-savvy world we live in today. It may be unfair, we may hate it, but it is true. Image is king and speaks volumes about who we are. From the clothes we wear to the places we eat and drink to the places we decide to inhabit, people notice what we do and make judgments as to who we are by how we look.

The very first facet of our self-image is our presentation to others and this is initially portrayed through the way we look. Now I think it's fair to say that most people don't have a fabulous self image. We all know people who love themselves but generally, though we may like ourselves, we don't love everything about us. We may not like our noise, the shape of our face, our hair, and the way we get a wrinkle around the eye. Maybe our bum is too big or we could do with losing some weight. But whatever it is, there will always be something that could be bettered. Just look at the way people who have had a lot of cosmetic surgery still manage to complain. Well I am sorry, but perfection is somewhat elusive.

The basis of any courtship, date or relationship is basic physical attraction. If you are not attracted to someone and they are not attracted to you, you have just become friends. Whatever happens afterwards, it is likely to stay that way. You both must be physically attracted on some level to make things work. Yes, spiritual attraction, deep respect and friendship all do play a part in the longer term but in the first few minutes of meeting we instantly recognize whether there is an attraction and chemistry present between us.

These basic signals dilate pupils, redden the skin, wet the lips and arouse base human instincts. That desire is to lead to the wish to have sex. The issue is that these signals are being eroded by well-meaning campaigners who say that looks should not matter. I am not really very good looking in my own opinion but I do know what I look like. And I do know who and what I am attracted to. I am sometimes called shallow because I go for a certain look for my dates. But the point is that these looks are what I find attractive and I tend to go for people who go for my kind of looks, thus increasing the chance of dating success.

Initial dates are all about looks, about who and what we find attractive and we are foolish if we try and suppress these desires. If you like someone's hair, eyes, lips, and the way they play with their fingers, the way they hold a glass or the way they walk then this is all on purpose. It is all part of the grander plan of matching like with like. By matching couples who are physically attracted, it is nature's way of pairing off. And for the most part it works well. The issue arises where we have trouble finding people who find us attractive.

The first thing that springs to mind is that where physically appealing looks are lacking, so people tend to make up with personality. Some of the sexiest people I have ever met are not physically attractive but they are immensely funny. Comedians are often not the best looking people you have met but are very attractive. This in some way comes from their inner confidence and stage presence. It is often said that men who are not too tall exude character and personality to make up for it. Again this may be true.

The key thing though is that we must not underplay the reality that looks are important when dating. We should try to understand what kind of looks we really are attracted to and what kind of people we appeal to. We should understand how we look to others. If we are unhappy with the way we look then we should take necessary steps to look the best we can. That is not for others but purely for us. In turn this will increase confidence levels and help make us more attractive. People will often say that one should not care about what is outside but what is inside that matter. It’s true. That is the way the world should be. But it isn't. That kind of comment comes from those who are secretly worried about the way they look.

Conversely people often say that for them, looks don't matter. That is not true either. Looks never matter when you already like the look of someone and find them acceptably attractive. Looks only matter when you are not attracted to someone physically. When you are seriously not attracted, then the looks of the other party become an issue even if you won't admit it. By generally meeting people who are attractive to you, you will eventually believe that on a conscious level you don't acknowledge looks. It is true that your view on physical attractiveness changes as you get older and as you mature in outlook. A man of 50 may not be attractive to a girl of 20 but may be very attractive to a woman of 40. Then again a woman of 45 can be very attractive to a man of 30. It all depends.

Our lives and the way we have developed in connection with life-experiences govern to some degree what and who attracts us. Personally, I like long straight blonde hair, but it is as much related to my teenage likings for the blonde singer of Fleetwood Mac or Agnetha from Abba as it is for any other reason. So there may be a link to what we find attractive on an emotional as well as physical level due to the early connections we make.

In modern society, we can all look good and we can look healthy. It is possible to buy image from the local store and we are sophisticated presenters of image through our exposure to the media. But in the end we are in danger of losing a connection to the most basic of instincts, physical match. We can pretend that men and women who seek physical perfection are shallow and outdated, but they are only following their basic instincts. We can disguise and we can pretend and we can plead for others to look at our inner selves first and we can spend months chatting on an Internet dating site to show how nice we are. However in a two minute meeting face to face, we both know whether it will work or not.

Physical matching is not about physical perfection, it is about compatibility. If you are not feeling truly good about yourself when you are about to begin dating then take some time out to take an inventory of yourself and then set about changing a few things. Remember that everything you do in life affecting your appearance should primarily be for yourself but at the same time if you are serious about dating successfully you really should think very seriously about how you look to others. As I have said previously, you may be searching for your perfect partner, but to find them you may well have to try and present yourself as their ideal mate too.

Finally consider this. A survey recently asked what attribute people most associated with being poor and unsuccessful. The top answer was being overweight and the second was smoking.

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SHOPPING FOR ONE

In a moment of revelation, the writer of the movie Fight Club encapsulated our entire modern psyche with the single phrase "single-sachet generation". In using that phrase whilst Edward Norton sits next to Brad Pitt on a plane - he tied up all the lose ends of who we are at the present time. We are a society of lonely single people. We often work alone on our offices or at our workstations. We chat via email and text messages than by phone or face-to-face. We eat single portions of everything as we work or travel, perfectly weighed and measured and wrapped for us in advance and all because we have stopped knowing how to socialize with each other. Personal communication has gone out of the window and has been replaced by anonymity.
For single people single shopping has to be one of the most soul-destroying tasks we perform. Everything these days is packaged to remind us how alone and solitary life can be. A table for one madam? First of all, what is the point of shopping at all just for ourselves when we could just grab stuff from the local store every time we feel hungry. Our refrigerators are half empty or have food going to waste, we become lazy with cooking, our diet suffers, we gain weight from convenience food and we don't really find any enjoyment from shopping alone.

Going to the supermarket as a single person is daunting. Most food is packaged in too large a portion so we have to freeze things or throw the leftovers away. Many packets will last me a lifetime. What am I going to do with a three kilo bag of rice. It will take me months or years to get through that. I want ONE potato, not a bag. I want one Onion not a bag. Okay so what happens next, the supermarket chains invent food-for-one. The issue with this is that it is convenient, true, but it is over priced and for a man it is never enough. It may be appealing to have chicken Tikka Masala for one in 10 minutes in the microwave in front of the 7pm news bulletin but hey, its soulless. Even worse, you know that as soon as you pick up boxes of single food everyone in the supermarket knows you are SINGLE. They may as well have a tannoy announcement. "The woman in the blue skirt in aisle three with the pasta-for-one has recently separated". We hate it don't we.

Okay so you load your basket with meals for one and are heading for the checkout with three hundred people aware of your domestic situation when you discover to your horror that you have an admirer by the carrots. No it is not the shelf stacker or cleaner, it is another single person who has come to pounce on you because ITS SINGLES NIGHT!!! Who on earth invented that run as fast as you can! Now I know that people may meet over the mixed vegetables every evening but not in my lifetime. I do not want to tell my grandkids that I met Cathy over a tin of soup and a six pack of tuna steaks. I want some romance in my life.

I remember one incident in a supermarket where I had spotted some delicious Blueberry Jam and had added wisely it to my basket. For the next few minutes I was aware that I was being watched and feeling like I was being thought of as a shop thief I headed straight for the checkout. The man followed me and as I paid for my goods, he quizzed me at great length about how much I liked Blueberry Jam. I was completely bemused and made my excuses and left. A few weeks later I read an article where on singles nights in supermarkets different items can display different things about you and currently Blueberry jam was being used by gay men in that city to demonstrate their sexual proclivities. Now I have to say that things had gone far enough! I may be single but please let me buy preserves in peace!

Okay so you load up your basket of single-sachets and you head for the checkout where you have then got to negotiate both loading and unloading simultaneously. So you load the conveyor belt as fast as you can and meantime the over zealous assistant is piling your goods through to the other end faster than you can unload your basket. She is finished before you and is twiddling her thumbs and looking deliberately bored as you need to rush through and repack all your groceries into bags as fast as lightening because the couples standing in the queue behind are sighing due to your slowness and ineptitude. Sounds familiar?

Yes shopping is a pastime for two. Shopping for two also takes ages. It takes you ages to pack your bags, carry them all to the car, load them into the trunk and then unloading at home is a complete nightmare. Since when can you pick up 9 bags at once and get them into the house safely whilst worrying about your car door left open. And finally when you have everything home, you cheer yourself up by eating all the best stuff first and then having to make do with sensible meals for one for the rest of the week. The only trouble is that you have put on weight too and are liable to stay single longer. Being single means there is no eating-conscience telling you you are not having that 1000 calorie donut-fest.

Couples eat more healthily in general so it appears. Meals are prepared together with thought and there is some aspect to social coupling in preparing in the kitchen. You are not going to be able to repeat the refrigerator scene from 9 and a half weeks so food is not sexy when you are single. Don't you hate the smug cookery TV shows that demonstrate what you could cook if you weren't single? Ha ha, I am kidding. I know food is a great demonstration in creativity and I find it very enjoyable and I love those shows. Buy I wanted to use this opportunity of stating how damn awful it is to be single and face being reminded of the fact every time I go to the store.
The fact that the supermarket industry has started to cater for single people is a warning if anything because it means that their investigations reveal that the singles market is ever expanding. Large food manufacturers don't go for short-term fads. When 30% of adults are single the food industry sits up and takes note. So although there are lots of suitable nicely packaged meals for one for us to consume do we really want reminding of the fact. I for one resent paying extra because I am alone and displaying the fact in my basket.
And don't get me started on dining alone. We will be here all day ha ha.


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FIRST IMPRESSIONS FOR MEN

In you stroll, looking hot in that new dress or suit with the Manolo's or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know he wants you. Go get him girl. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt. You are feeling good, you are feeling successful, you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.

Now I am not saying that we need to spend a King's ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever. But I am suggesting that when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, its important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too. Good style means a good level of confidence.

Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn't wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style. Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don't choose to go in them is not the point. Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.

Okay so whilst my female readership doesn't need a lecture in self presentation generally, my male readership often does. The first thing I want you to remember men is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc. All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can't dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her.

But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store. Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don't mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out. Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!

Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn't need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. I have news for you, most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn't happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea. Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.

Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are. Whilst there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost. A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.

Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch. This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.
You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers. Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style. Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.

I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.

Finally, though I have spelt this out before, I will do it one more time. Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.

Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.


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KISSING

Kissing is probably the most physically romantic two single people can get. There really is no wrong way to kiss. The thing to remember is that everybody kisses differently and different singles prefer different ways of kissing. Some people, believe it or not, are appalled at the idea of French Kissing or using your tongue while you kiss, while other singles can't imagine kissing without using their tongue. The thing is to try kissing that single person a few times before deciding how you and your partner prefer kissing and to get used to the way that person kisses.

Kissing Tips
Relax
· Move gently to your partner and put your arms around them.
· Move your mouth towards them and your lips meet, keep them slightly parted and press gently against their lips. Move your head a little to the side, so your nose won't get in the way.
· What you do next depends on their reaction. If they respond then carry on kissing if you sense no active response then move your lips apart slowly and gently let go of your partner and look into their eyes.
· If you feel that the signals are right then again gently start to kiss your partner and if they respond then you can begin to kiss a little more passionately. The golden rule is to be gentle and try to read your partners feelings.
· If either of you wears glasses, just take them off if you wish before kissing.
· A sure way to ruin a kiss is with bad breath use mints or similar beforehand.
· A non-smoker may not enjoy kissing a smoker, use mints as above.

French Kissing Tips
A French kiss are kisses in which you use your tongues.
· Put your arms around the person you want to kiss.
· Begin with a slow kiss; you can close your eyes if you wish.
· Slowly and gently open your mouth and softly nudge the other person's mouth open using your tongue.
· Gently, move your tongue inside the other person's mouth and touch their tongue.
· If your partner seems tense or start to slowly pull away, stop what you are doing.
· If they open their mouth more or otherwise indicate they like the kiss, keep on doing what you have been only with a little more passion.
· As the kissing gets going saliva build up can be a problem, don't forget to swallow.
· Keep your tongue relaxed but your lips tight (saliva again), as you don't want the kiss to turn wet and messy.
· Do not get over forceful - be gentle.
· Enjoy it!

Can you "catch something" by kissing?
Yes anything from a cold to a serious sexually transmitted disease. Kissing is not 100% safe so if you are concerned or worried ask your partner if they are ill and don't kiss them if you do not feel safe.

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