ARE THEY ‘THE ONE’?
You’ve met…it’s been great… you’ve been starry eyed and buzzing with your body’s ‘love-buzz’ chemicals. But now it’s starting to fade a little and it’s time to wonder ‘Are They THE ONE?’
You’re both starting to relax and show each other the real you. You’re becoming less blind to each others quirks and starting to see that you each have jobs, interests, friends, families, ambitions… which maybe aren’t 100% to your liking!

So it’s time to ask… How compatible are you?
Are your two single lives going to fit with each other’s? – or are there just not enough ways in which you and your partner match?
It’s generally thought that there are 5 key areas to consider when you start looking to see if they could be THE ONE.

1) Background
One major factor in forming your dating personality is where you come from and the way you were bought up. This affects everything about the single you, from your values to your taste in clothes!! While a difference in backgrounds might not mean it’s time to say goodbye it’s worth thinking about… If one of you is from a privileged background and the other is from the wrong side of the tracks, you can expect dating issues!

Discuss any religious beliefs you’ve inherited. Check your political views. Think about your education. Maybe you’ve got a degree while they dropped out before GCSEs, may this lead to boredom? Or do they have knowledge about other areas, like travelling, to keep you interested? Do you enjoy quite refined evenings in with friends while they enjoy going to the same pub every night? This might be OK in the first flush of love but is it really something you’ll want to be doing with your date in a years time?

Of course, we’re not saying that couples must come from the same sort of background. Social class is fluid – though certainly not yet gone for good. Partners do grow and change. We are (happily!) not our parents. All we’re saying is that if there are huge differences, you and your date need to take extra care to check that you really do have some things in common, or you can both learn to accept each other. Friends and Family will be quick to point out differences to you and your date - make sure you both feel confident that as time goes by you are going to get along and grow together, not apart.

2) Careers
You as a single person spend a huge amount of your life at work and your chosen career can really affect the way you live – such as income and time off. At the start of a relationship you might not notice that your date’s income’s tiny with no hope of a rise. You might assume that when you get married and have kids they’ll be happy to cut back on the long hours and give up the chance of a partnership. You don’t mind always paying when you go on dates and treating them to presents and holidays, but are you going to feel the same further down the line?
Talk it through. Check where you both are now in your careers and where you want and plan to be in the future. You don’t have to have the same career goals – you can agree to have very different careers mapped out – but your plans do need to fit in with each other’s. If you’re both happy that one of you will stay at home and one will run their own company, that’s fine. However if your plans are going to pull you apart, then that isn’t.

3) Interests
It’s great for people in relationships to have different interests. It helps you retain your single identity and keep the relationship feeling alive. That said, if you and your date don’t share any interests, then you’re not going to have much to say to or do with each other!! A happy medium is what is required.

If this is a worry for you and your date try to make a list of your most important interests and of your partner’s. Remember ‘Interests’ could be anything from preferred ways of lazing through a day off, to favourite sports or arts, or desired ways of spending a holiday – even just what you’d most like to watch on TV, or if TV’s banned!

Then mark off any you and your date share already – hopefully they’ll be a few. Look at the rest of the list. Which of your partner’s interests might you like to share? Which are they going to be doing alone and are you happy for them to do that? Does it look like you might be able to strike a balance or if very little indeed is shared?

You’ll secretly know already just how much you’ve been faking that new-found enthusiasm for rock climbing or fine French cooking! Many doting partners have discovered the inner football fan in them or taken up going to church because, well, they just really liked the other person! This is fine but just make sure it’s reciprocal – and that there is enough happily shared to keep you both happy in the long run.

4) Sex
The sex should already be fabulous. If it’s feeling a bit routine already – as opposed to becoming a little less frenetic and steadily more loving and intimate – take emergency measures now to get it back on track or start saving for your first affair!

How sexually compatible are you? Do you and your dates sex drives more or less match? Are you more as less as adventurous when having sex? Is sex more or less equally important to both of you? Is there anything you’re not doing in bed (or wherever) but very much want to – and are afraid to ask because you know what they’ll probably say?

Once you’re past the first few months of a relationship, you’ll start to return to your personal sexual level – and then is the time to judge if, with a little, inevitable compromise, your libidos and sexual interests are going to fit together fine, or if you’ll be frustrated.

5) Age
Age differences can matter a great deal in relationships. Greater age generally means greater knowledge, a greater range of experience to draw on – and a greater number of things you’ve done already, such that you don’t need to go there and do them again. It will often also mean a higher income and – for reasons of experience and income combined – more power. Younger partners may try to act older and actively want to be mentored by the elder date. The older partner may feel obliged to reclaim his or her youth and party the night away, when they’d far rather be having dinner.

A significant age-gap can make for a working relationship. It can be great. Do ask, though, if there is a significant difference in age, whether your lifestyles, aims and ambitions will peacefully co-exist – and continue to do so – in the medium and long-term. Talk about where you are and where you’re going in life – and be aware that the younger you are, the more those possible futures are liable to change.

6) Effort
How much are you putting into this relationship? And how much is your partner? Do you bend over backwards to get things right while they take your efforts for granted? How often do you find yourself re-scheduling your week to fit in with their plans? How often do you say ‘yes’ when you’d rather say ‘no’?
If there’s a significant imbalance – and this is
on a day to day basis – one date is being the co-dependent doormat and the other date is lazily, selfishly taking the ride. How to tell if this is case? Step outside the relationship. Imagine you’re one of your friends and you’re looking in at their relationship. Are you happy for your friend about what they’re getting?

Remember: once they’re past childhood, people don’t usually change all that much. (You think your partner’s changed? Nope. You’re just seeing them differently, more realistically, warts ‘n’ all.) If your partner isn’t putting much into the relationship, it’s basically inevitable they won’t start doing so when, in future months and years, the relationship, if it is to continue to thrive, will start needing work.

Here’s hoping your compatibility checks out – and that you’re in a position to run through the tests again in six months time

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