DATING ESSENTIALS FOR MEN
When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff, it is always worth reminding ourselves, as single men, how to get the foundations right.
Bathe
This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Single women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippy that hadn’t bathed for a while. It doesn’t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, single girls have bad hair days all the time) she won’t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!
Arrive on Time
The worst thing you can do on your date is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don’t want her to think. Single women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will your date think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking your date up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won’t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don’t!
Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for your date, let your date walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Single women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
Compliment Her
The first thing to say to your date is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the colour of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A single woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.
Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask your date questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a single woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.
I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a single man and single woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.
Prepare
The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dries up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.
Who Will Pay?
This is a really tough question, as now single women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.
The Goodnight Kiss
Some single women prefer not to kiss after a date; others are disappointed if the single guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.
I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on dating her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don’t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know.
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Monday, 31 March 2008
Sunday, 30 March 2008
ROMANTIC DESTINATIONS
Romance can be found everywhere and anywhere, its in the air that we breathe, the smiles people give to us and in the things that make us laugh and be happy with our partner. But sometimes romance is in a special place too. We may have found love and romance at home and abroad, on vacation or just in a moment. Yet there are some places that smell of romance, that exude love and simply are romantic destinations and so here we discuss some favorite places that fit the bill.
Just what makes a place a top romantic destination is open to many factors. The first of course may be the weather, warm and sunny appears to be favored by most. Lingering on a soft white beach under swaying palms appeals to all of us who undergo annual cold winters. However, I have been to destinations that have been snowbound, only to find them gorgeously romantic. For me, winter is a great season and my top romantic destinations include some fantastic ski resorts. St Moritz at Christmas is a great example as is Valmorel after a snowfall, or Zermatt on New Year’s Eve. So clearly then it is not just the weather that feeds us romantic feelings about a place though it is a factor.
A top romantic destination has to look right. A pretty village in the Alps is romantic and appealing; a New England village in the Fall is romantic for walking, a walk on a deserted beach on the northern coast of Koh Samui is extremely romantic to hold hands. Where better perhaps that a stroll along the Seine in Paris in early spring to feel overwhelmed by love and romance as you walk hand in hand with your partner. The same may be said of Barcelona in Spring, walking through the squares before the heavy oppression of a hot Mediterranean summer sets in. And here we find more clues in my words, walking and Spring! Walking of course brings a sense of communion and togetherness in any location or destination. We remember walks together fondly in many places whilst springtime is our own regeneration after winter. Springtime is a good season to find romance in a place.
Springtime is for many of us a wake up call, an out with the old in with the new feeling. A time for Spring cleaning, for freshness, for renewal. Clean air, sunlight and flowers. The earth wakes up and so do we. So we are often drawn to romantic destinations that obviate these sensory factors. For example, I have never been so alive as on visiting Amsterdam one spring when the small lanes were alive with the rich color of tulip flower markets. I was overjoyed with a sense of the ability to find romance there.
Romance in a place can be found from its history and architectural properties, which is why so many of the ancient and great cities of the world are poplar romantic destinations for lovers. From the Great Wall of China, to Paris, Rome, Florence, Milan, Amsterdam, Sydney, New York and Vienna, all have a magnificent historical heritage that pervades all and leads us into a sense of historical romance that requires us to take someone’s hand as we breathe in all around us.
So I think that the key elements of top romantic destinations are:
• Weather• Beauty• History• Company• Location
So whilst we live to find romance in the Caribbean and the South Seas, dreaming of white deserted beaches and swaying palms, trade winds and butterfly kisses at dawn or sunset, languid afternoons by the lagoon pools and tropical mischief on a languid evening, let us not forget that there are many destinations across the world that are not only romantic in themselves, but can emphasize the romance that already exists within each of us.
Here are ten of my personal top romantic destinations and romantic places for myself.
Amsterdam in deepest winter
There are fewer places on earth more romantic than Amsterdam in deepest winter in my opinion. Ancient churches, frozen waterways, snow-heavy skies, shimmering shops all nestle along walkways through beautifully old streets in this most pleasant of cultural cities. Its a cultural melting pot where you can find romance on every corner. Combine ancient cobbled streets of lilting Dutch town houses, set against frozen canals, people scuttling along on cycles, starlit book shops crowding in sulky corners, fabulous food stores, eateries and restaurants, bars that are heaven-sent and the relaxed nature of the Dutch and it is a vibrant and exciting city ideal for a first break away with a loved-one. With bells tolling from churches at dawn, the shimmering waters of canals everywhere, ancient beautiful architecture, flowers on street corners, this city is most certainly picturesque. The winter and snows certainly add the topping to a place that already exudes history and you can imagine yourself with your loved on starring in your very own European cinematic romance set against a beautiful and vivid backdrop. Firmly recommended.
Hong Kong at Sunset
To many the romance of Hong Kong can be easily missed. A bustling metropolis acting as a gateway to a throng a different Asian cultures, Hong Kong certainly doesn’t stand still. But amongst it all are two of the most amazing sights on earth that should only be witnessed with your loved one. The first is sitting in the Peninsula hotel top floor bar on the Kowloon side watching sunset and darkness fall upon Honk Kong itself. As day turns to night you can take the hand of your loved on and watch as neon begins to light up probably one of the seven most wondrous views in the modern world. All taken with a Gin and Tonic. If this is how we find romance, then it's the best.
The other is to repeat the exercise of sunset but this time by taking the cable car to the top of the Peak. Go behind the peak café and restaurant to the viewing platform where you can watch sunset over Kowloon, but this time make sure that you kiss you partner for a long time. Because you will remember it forever.
Niagra Falls in Late Spring
Until you have seen the horseshoes falls from the Canadian side in late Spring, you haven’t lived. Spectacular this place is, beyond belief. Take your partner, book into the hotel at its side and spend the most romantic weekend of your life. Love and romance your partner here until they melt. I can’t add any more to this because you just have to take your loved one and go there – today. Why late spring? Well at this time of year the warm sun gives the entire falls a golden glow that makes it such a romantic place. Take a glass of champagne in one had and the hand of your loved one in the other ands find romance here for yourselves.
Anchorage Alaska on the longest day
Romantic destinations take many forms but I found the experience of Anchorage, a beautiful place in the summer, awe inspiringly beautiful. For me it is a place of love and romance as much as of breathtaking scenery. You may be surprised that I list it as one of my favorite romantic places but you just have to visit and relax in this beautiful place. There are so many things to do with your partner in this area that you will lose count, but I think that around June 21st when it remains light for most of the night is so much of an experience that it’s a time and place for something special. It is a top romantic destination for sure. It’s a place to feel alive and share something emotional and help that feeling of togetherness. A special place.
Bali in October
As far as romantic places go, this is perfect. This has to be one of the world's top romantic destinations, especially for couples. As it’s a tropical isle it doesn’t become romantic because of its climate, though it does reek of paradise after getting away from the airport. I’d point you and your chose partner straight towards the Bali Cliff resort at the southern tip of the island or Lovina Beach on the northern coast. Either places at this time of the year are quiet whilst the weather remains perfect. If I was to choose the perfect place for a date, to embody the love and romance of my relationship, or even maybe to propose, I’d choose Lovina beach at dawn in an outrigger canoe as the dolphins race past chasing tuna and the sun breaks the horizon. It doesn’t get any more romantic or special than this. Just save it to say 'I do'.
Paris in early Spring
As far as romantic places go, Paris has to be a prime choice in my book. Traditional it may be, but romantic, it most certainly is. Spring time has to be the perfect season too. Culture, history, gastronomic delights, superb wine and walks beyond all walks. Take your partner to the top of the Eiffel tower, over to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa and then shoot about the metro visiting Montmartre and the Left bank then take a long walk together along the many tree lined boulevards. The essence of Paris is the simple act of being together walking, visiting and seeing and finding romance in private. Its special, it is one of my favorite romantic places at any time of year but I loved Paris in early spring and I think you both will too.
The English Lake District in early Winter
The English Lakes in north-western England is loved by many during the summer months but the things that brings it romance is the solace that winter brings. But I believe it is a top romantic destination at this time of year. I find romance here when the ancient villages are quiet, the restaurants available and we can walk where we please. There are a plethora of well-hidden Lakeland hotels nestling in trees ready to cater as a lovers paradise. If you are looking for log fires, thick rugs, four poser beds and romantic walks round local lakes then go in November or January and I’d go as far as saying that it’s the perfect place to fall in love.
New York in February
What hasn’t been written about New York may not be worth writing. But for me New York in February is the epitome of classic romance and one of the top romantic destinations for anyone. How many romantic movies have been made in this city – lots, and this is for a reason. Why is it romantic? Easy, combine cold, snow, superb shopping and ice skating in central park and you have everything that is perfect about close times together. Sightseeing is unlimited, restaurants with tables for two are everywhere and I believe there is something special about wrapping up warm and getting outdoors with the person you love. If you are going to find love and romance in a city, its possible it will be New York. Walking in Central park in the snow has got to be a life long memory of how love really should be.
Cyprus before Summer
It’s the birthplace of Venus, what more needs to be said about finding love and romance. Stick to the west side of this island around Paphos for perfect sunsets, sun for 360 days a year, remote bays and fresh seafood. Top quality hotels abound and this is essential for many romantic destinations. But the single thing that makes this island romantic for me are the lonely drives by car up into the fresh alpine interior. Seemingly unexplored valleys, high passes and the sweet scent of pine everywhere, this is a beautiful place. Open the door and breathe, then kiss each other. Deeply. Definitely one of my top romantic destinations of all to find romance in a sunset.
Koh Samui in November
Why not round the year off with one of my favorite romantic places on earth. The island of Koh Samui in the Thai gulf is more famous for its near-neighbour which is the inspiration for the book and movie, The Beach. But the reason I list this as a top romantic destination isn’t the quaint airport with wooden huts in a jungle clearing, or the Golden Buddha on the northern coast, it’s the simple delight at this time of year of taking a small beach bungalow with your loved one and walking bare footed on white sand beaches and treading the first footsteps of the day. Or using a fallen coconut as a drinking vessel and play ball. Watch endless sunsets and find romance in the moment, eat perfect food in quiet surroundings and imagine you are both lost at sea. It’s a place to be with someone, to be quiet, to be solitary and to feel very much the love and romance of the place.
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Romance can be found everywhere and anywhere, its in the air that we breathe, the smiles people give to us and in the things that make us laugh and be happy with our partner. But sometimes romance is in a special place too. We may have found love and romance at home and abroad, on vacation or just in a moment. Yet there are some places that smell of romance, that exude love and simply are romantic destinations and so here we discuss some favorite places that fit the bill.
Just what makes a place a top romantic destination is open to many factors. The first of course may be the weather, warm and sunny appears to be favored by most. Lingering on a soft white beach under swaying palms appeals to all of us who undergo annual cold winters. However, I have been to destinations that have been snowbound, only to find them gorgeously romantic. For me, winter is a great season and my top romantic destinations include some fantastic ski resorts. St Moritz at Christmas is a great example as is Valmorel after a snowfall, or Zermatt on New Year’s Eve. So clearly then it is not just the weather that feeds us romantic feelings about a place though it is a factor.
A top romantic destination has to look right. A pretty village in the Alps is romantic and appealing; a New England village in the Fall is romantic for walking, a walk on a deserted beach on the northern coast of Koh Samui is extremely romantic to hold hands. Where better perhaps that a stroll along the Seine in Paris in early spring to feel overwhelmed by love and romance as you walk hand in hand with your partner. The same may be said of Barcelona in Spring, walking through the squares before the heavy oppression of a hot Mediterranean summer sets in. And here we find more clues in my words, walking and Spring! Walking of course brings a sense of communion and togetherness in any location or destination. We remember walks together fondly in many places whilst springtime is our own regeneration after winter. Springtime is a good season to find romance in a place.
Springtime is for many of us a wake up call, an out with the old in with the new feeling. A time for Spring cleaning, for freshness, for renewal. Clean air, sunlight and flowers. The earth wakes up and so do we. So we are often drawn to romantic destinations that obviate these sensory factors. For example, I have never been so alive as on visiting Amsterdam one spring when the small lanes were alive with the rich color of tulip flower markets. I was overjoyed with a sense of the ability to find romance there.
Romance in a place can be found from its history and architectural properties, which is why so many of the ancient and great cities of the world are poplar romantic destinations for lovers. From the Great Wall of China, to Paris, Rome, Florence, Milan, Amsterdam, Sydney, New York and Vienna, all have a magnificent historical heritage that pervades all and leads us into a sense of historical romance that requires us to take someone’s hand as we breathe in all around us.
So I think that the key elements of top romantic destinations are:
• Weather• Beauty• History• Company• Location
So whilst we live to find romance in the Caribbean and the South Seas, dreaming of white deserted beaches and swaying palms, trade winds and butterfly kisses at dawn or sunset, languid afternoons by the lagoon pools and tropical mischief on a languid evening, let us not forget that there are many destinations across the world that are not only romantic in themselves, but can emphasize the romance that already exists within each of us.
Here are ten of my personal top romantic destinations and romantic places for myself.
Amsterdam in deepest winter
There are fewer places on earth more romantic than Amsterdam in deepest winter in my opinion. Ancient churches, frozen waterways, snow-heavy skies, shimmering shops all nestle along walkways through beautifully old streets in this most pleasant of cultural cities. Its a cultural melting pot where you can find romance on every corner. Combine ancient cobbled streets of lilting Dutch town houses, set against frozen canals, people scuttling along on cycles, starlit book shops crowding in sulky corners, fabulous food stores, eateries and restaurants, bars that are heaven-sent and the relaxed nature of the Dutch and it is a vibrant and exciting city ideal for a first break away with a loved-one. With bells tolling from churches at dawn, the shimmering waters of canals everywhere, ancient beautiful architecture, flowers on street corners, this city is most certainly picturesque. The winter and snows certainly add the topping to a place that already exudes history and you can imagine yourself with your loved on starring in your very own European cinematic romance set against a beautiful and vivid backdrop. Firmly recommended.
Hong Kong at Sunset
To many the romance of Hong Kong can be easily missed. A bustling metropolis acting as a gateway to a throng a different Asian cultures, Hong Kong certainly doesn’t stand still. But amongst it all are two of the most amazing sights on earth that should only be witnessed with your loved one. The first is sitting in the Peninsula hotel top floor bar on the Kowloon side watching sunset and darkness fall upon Honk Kong itself. As day turns to night you can take the hand of your loved on and watch as neon begins to light up probably one of the seven most wondrous views in the modern world. All taken with a Gin and Tonic. If this is how we find romance, then it's the best.
The other is to repeat the exercise of sunset but this time by taking the cable car to the top of the Peak. Go behind the peak café and restaurant to the viewing platform where you can watch sunset over Kowloon, but this time make sure that you kiss you partner for a long time. Because you will remember it forever.
Niagra Falls in Late Spring
Until you have seen the horseshoes falls from the Canadian side in late Spring, you haven’t lived. Spectacular this place is, beyond belief. Take your partner, book into the hotel at its side and spend the most romantic weekend of your life. Love and romance your partner here until they melt. I can’t add any more to this because you just have to take your loved one and go there – today. Why late spring? Well at this time of year the warm sun gives the entire falls a golden glow that makes it such a romantic place. Take a glass of champagne in one had and the hand of your loved one in the other ands find romance here for yourselves.
Anchorage Alaska on the longest day
Romantic destinations take many forms but I found the experience of Anchorage, a beautiful place in the summer, awe inspiringly beautiful. For me it is a place of love and romance as much as of breathtaking scenery. You may be surprised that I list it as one of my favorite romantic places but you just have to visit and relax in this beautiful place. There are so many things to do with your partner in this area that you will lose count, but I think that around June 21st when it remains light for most of the night is so much of an experience that it’s a time and place for something special. It is a top romantic destination for sure. It’s a place to feel alive and share something emotional and help that feeling of togetherness. A special place.
Bali in October
As far as romantic places go, this is perfect. This has to be one of the world's top romantic destinations, especially for couples. As it’s a tropical isle it doesn’t become romantic because of its climate, though it does reek of paradise after getting away from the airport. I’d point you and your chose partner straight towards the Bali Cliff resort at the southern tip of the island or Lovina Beach on the northern coast. Either places at this time of the year are quiet whilst the weather remains perfect. If I was to choose the perfect place for a date, to embody the love and romance of my relationship, or even maybe to propose, I’d choose Lovina beach at dawn in an outrigger canoe as the dolphins race past chasing tuna and the sun breaks the horizon. It doesn’t get any more romantic or special than this. Just save it to say 'I do'.
Paris in early Spring
As far as romantic places go, Paris has to be a prime choice in my book. Traditional it may be, but romantic, it most certainly is. Spring time has to be the perfect season too. Culture, history, gastronomic delights, superb wine and walks beyond all walks. Take your partner to the top of the Eiffel tower, over to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa and then shoot about the metro visiting Montmartre and the Left bank then take a long walk together along the many tree lined boulevards. The essence of Paris is the simple act of being together walking, visiting and seeing and finding romance in private. Its special, it is one of my favorite romantic places at any time of year but I loved Paris in early spring and I think you both will too.
The English Lake District in early Winter
The English Lakes in north-western England is loved by many during the summer months but the things that brings it romance is the solace that winter brings. But I believe it is a top romantic destination at this time of year. I find romance here when the ancient villages are quiet, the restaurants available and we can walk where we please. There are a plethora of well-hidden Lakeland hotels nestling in trees ready to cater as a lovers paradise. If you are looking for log fires, thick rugs, four poser beds and romantic walks round local lakes then go in November or January and I’d go as far as saying that it’s the perfect place to fall in love.
New York in February
What hasn’t been written about New York may not be worth writing. But for me New York in February is the epitome of classic romance and one of the top romantic destinations for anyone. How many romantic movies have been made in this city – lots, and this is for a reason. Why is it romantic? Easy, combine cold, snow, superb shopping and ice skating in central park and you have everything that is perfect about close times together. Sightseeing is unlimited, restaurants with tables for two are everywhere and I believe there is something special about wrapping up warm and getting outdoors with the person you love. If you are going to find love and romance in a city, its possible it will be New York. Walking in Central park in the snow has got to be a life long memory of how love really should be.
Cyprus before Summer
It’s the birthplace of Venus, what more needs to be said about finding love and romance. Stick to the west side of this island around Paphos for perfect sunsets, sun for 360 days a year, remote bays and fresh seafood. Top quality hotels abound and this is essential for many romantic destinations. But the single thing that makes this island romantic for me are the lonely drives by car up into the fresh alpine interior. Seemingly unexplored valleys, high passes and the sweet scent of pine everywhere, this is a beautiful place. Open the door and breathe, then kiss each other. Deeply. Definitely one of my top romantic destinations of all to find romance in a sunset.
Koh Samui in November
Why not round the year off with one of my favorite romantic places on earth. The island of Koh Samui in the Thai gulf is more famous for its near-neighbour which is the inspiration for the book and movie, The Beach. But the reason I list this as a top romantic destination isn’t the quaint airport with wooden huts in a jungle clearing, or the Golden Buddha on the northern coast, it’s the simple delight at this time of year of taking a small beach bungalow with your loved one and walking bare footed on white sand beaches and treading the first footsteps of the day. Or using a fallen coconut as a drinking vessel and play ball. Watch endless sunsets and find romance in the moment, eat perfect food in quiet surroundings and imagine you are both lost at sea. It’s a place to be with someone, to be quiet, to be solitary and to feel very much the love and romance of the place.
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Thursday, 27 March 2008
POTENTIAL PARTNERS
Dating can be as tricky a business as can trying to find a date. When we begin dating, we often forget to consider what we are looking for in others we would like to meet. We set off with a definite view of the perfect dating partner. The moment we are introduced to someone, or view some photos of profiles or personal ads online – we forget everything! Why is this? Because we are swayed by many factors, in other words, we are not as set in our ways as much as we like to think we are.
Beauty, of course, often holds sway. However much we like to say we are not, there are few of us who wouldn’t date someone attractive. It is in our blood and we would usually say yes to an attractive person. Beauty tends to rub off on those around it, so if we associate ourselves with what we consider are good looks we immediately feel good about ourselves also. Most of us are not models and therefore we tend not to meet those who are but we notice it in the things around us. If you can appreciate something beautiful, then you can also appreciate someone beautiful. To ignore it is a lie.
However, if we simply lived and dated by beauty alone we would be too shallow to succeed in any real sense. We would have 2 dimensional personalities and be uninteresting in any meaningful way. It is often leveled as a criticism in attractive people that they don’t have very strong personalities because they have traded on their looks for too long. Conversely, a conventionally unattractive person can often have a strong and interesting personality to make up for the lack of attractiveness in a physical sense. So it’s clear that as an isolating factor beauty (or more specifically, physical attraction) is to some extent important but it is not the only important thing when dating others.
We look for humor in a person because we want them to feel good by being with us and we want them to feel good about themselves in their decisions. We also want ourselves to feel good and to relax and have fun and a great time. Therefore when we date someone, humor is a must if we are going to ever reach a level of relaxation in the company of that person. Laughter and humor is about creating a mental connection and understanding about the world around us. It is a demonstration of a commonly accepted set of beliefs between us and it allows a demonstration of a level of understanding quickly not known in almost any other form.
When dating others, we look for eye contact upon meeting because it is the most direct sense of understanding and truth and honesty. We almost always look at each other’s eyes first when we meet as this is where we first find attraction. It is beyond me here to explain why that may be but I do like the expression that our eyes are the gateway to the soul. I tend to agree. The smallest change in the glint of our eye conveys so many emotions and it is thus that we first begin our instant relationship.
When dating others we look for common understanding and acceptance. We do not seek partners as judges but as part of our own emotional support system. We like to admire and to be admired, however subtly. In another parlance, we would say that we appreciate and like being appreciated. Either way, we enjoy the company of another because we make each other feel good about themselves. It’s an unspoken understanding. Where relationships begin to crack later is where the understanding and support is replaced by criticism due to internal frustrations of lack of support. Initially when we date, this understanding and acceptance is displayed through many different methods from conversation and laughter in agreement on a topic, to agreement in places to visit on dates and food to eat, drinks to consume, movies to go see etc. It’s all part of agreeing based on a common understanding, finding the common ground between us.
We look for honesty and truth when dating. It can be like one long test, especially when we are not new to the dating game and have had our fingers burned previously. We know that it is within everyone to embellish the truth and unfortunately part of the dating ritual is to talk ourselves up, so sell ourselves as worthy. When this happens we must be careful not to go too far and add things that are untrue. Later our burgeoning relationship could fall apart through such white lies. And yet there are too few of us who stick 100% to the truth alone. There will come a point when we all add in some substance to our conversations to help our image to our date and to be honest this can all be part of the fun. But the basis of honesty has to be maintained when dating otherwise it is a pointless exercise. We are looking to share our quality time with someone so let’s be truthful from the outset.
There is an argument that when we are dating we are seeking someone like ourselves, a reflection of what we already feel about ourselves and the world around us. I think that is a mistaken view. I think what this theory really means is that we want to love and be loved and to allow this to happen we hope to find someone who not only matches some set of important criteria that we set ourselves but also someone who sees the world as we do. Not exactly perhaps, but close enough that we can grow further both as individuals and as a couple.
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Dating can be as tricky a business as can trying to find a date. When we begin dating, we often forget to consider what we are looking for in others we would like to meet. We set off with a definite view of the perfect dating partner. The moment we are introduced to someone, or view some photos of profiles or personal ads online – we forget everything! Why is this? Because we are swayed by many factors, in other words, we are not as set in our ways as much as we like to think we are.
Beauty, of course, often holds sway. However much we like to say we are not, there are few of us who wouldn’t date someone attractive. It is in our blood and we would usually say yes to an attractive person. Beauty tends to rub off on those around it, so if we associate ourselves with what we consider are good looks we immediately feel good about ourselves also. Most of us are not models and therefore we tend not to meet those who are but we notice it in the things around us. If you can appreciate something beautiful, then you can also appreciate someone beautiful. To ignore it is a lie.
However, if we simply lived and dated by beauty alone we would be too shallow to succeed in any real sense. We would have 2 dimensional personalities and be uninteresting in any meaningful way. It is often leveled as a criticism in attractive people that they don’t have very strong personalities because they have traded on their looks for too long. Conversely, a conventionally unattractive person can often have a strong and interesting personality to make up for the lack of attractiveness in a physical sense. So it’s clear that as an isolating factor beauty (or more specifically, physical attraction) is to some extent important but it is not the only important thing when dating others.
We look for humor in a person because we want them to feel good by being with us and we want them to feel good about themselves in their decisions. We also want ourselves to feel good and to relax and have fun and a great time. Therefore when we date someone, humor is a must if we are going to ever reach a level of relaxation in the company of that person. Laughter and humor is about creating a mental connection and understanding about the world around us. It is a demonstration of a commonly accepted set of beliefs between us and it allows a demonstration of a level of understanding quickly not known in almost any other form.
When dating others, we look for eye contact upon meeting because it is the most direct sense of understanding and truth and honesty. We almost always look at each other’s eyes first when we meet as this is where we first find attraction. It is beyond me here to explain why that may be but I do like the expression that our eyes are the gateway to the soul. I tend to agree. The smallest change in the glint of our eye conveys so many emotions and it is thus that we first begin our instant relationship.
When dating others we look for common understanding and acceptance. We do not seek partners as judges but as part of our own emotional support system. We like to admire and to be admired, however subtly. In another parlance, we would say that we appreciate and like being appreciated. Either way, we enjoy the company of another because we make each other feel good about themselves. It’s an unspoken understanding. Where relationships begin to crack later is where the understanding and support is replaced by criticism due to internal frustrations of lack of support. Initially when we date, this understanding and acceptance is displayed through many different methods from conversation and laughter in agreement on a topic, to agreement in places to visit on dates and food to eat, drinks to consume, movies to go see etc. It’s all part of agreeing based on a common understanding, finding the common ground between us.
We look for honesty and truth when dating. It can be like one long test, especially when we are not new to the dating game and have had our fingers burned previously. We know that it is within everyone to embellish the truth and unfortunately part of the dating ritual is to talk ourselves up, so sell ourselves as worthy. When this happens we must be careful not to go too far and add things that are untrue. Later our burgeoning relationship could fall apart through such white lies. And yet there are too few of us who stick 100% to the truth alone. There will come a point when we all add in some substance to our conversations to help our image to our date and to be honest this can all be part of the fun. But the basis of honesty has to be maintained when dating otherwise it is a pointless exercise. We are looking to share our quality time with someone so let’s be truthful from the outset.
There is an argument that when we are dating we are seeking someone like ourselves, a reflection of what we already feel about ourselves and the world around us. I think that is a mistaken view. I think what this theory really means is that we want to love and be loved and to allow this to happen we hope to find someone who not only matches some set of important criteria that we set ourselves but also someone who sees the world as we do. Not exactly perhaps, but close enough that we can grow further both as individuals and as a couple.
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Wednesday, 26 March 2008
BODY LANGUAGE FOR SINGLE WOMEN
This is the language where you don't need any words. Single women have been doing it for hundreds of years - to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man, and sending the get-lost signal to the wrong man.
Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the single male target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once the single man turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you - a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.
If there is a single man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don’t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous single neighbour, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? You aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most single people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous single neighbour.
The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to single men. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.
Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.
Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the single man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
As for ways to send a single man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it's time to get down and dirty, or when you're best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.
Don’t tease single men by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.…
Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.
And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, "Looking for Love."
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This is the language where you don't need any words. Single women have been doing it for hundreds of years - to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man, and sending the get-lost signal to the wrong man.
Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the single male target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once the single man turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you - a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.
If there is a single man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don’t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous single neighbour, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? You aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most single people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous single neighbour.
The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to single men. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.
Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.
Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the single man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
As for ways to send a single man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it's time to get down and dirty, or when you're best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.
Don’t tease single men by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.…
Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.
And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, "Looking for Love."
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Tuesday, 25 March 2008
DATING RULES FOR MEN
You are a guy who knows how to date, you are a guy who hasn't dated in years, you are a guy who has never been successful with women. Whatever your situation there are some common dating rules to follow when venturing into the dating jungle. These rules are simply to protect your emotional state and to ensure even handed success. Women are trained from day one in the art of dating warfare. They have a physical and emotional arsenal that you may never hope to match. But don't be outgunned, be prepared my friends as the dating battle isn't over yet buddy.
1. LOOK YOUR BEST. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes even if the last time you checked your Nike's out was 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don't just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her? Oh yes and buy a good well tailored suit, there is no excuse not to.
2. HYGIENE AND STYLING. Down to the barbers and sort out your hair, get a decent style if possible. If you don't have much hair still get down to the salon and either get your head shaved or something you can handle. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Yes that means some expense. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine and smell good always. Women appreciate it.
3. SORT OUT THE JOB. Women want a man who has some ambition in life so coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (by the way I love skateboarding!) Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. Change job if need be but at least try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself. If you already do, then you are on the right track but know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future because they will be asking questions about your prospects even if they pretend it isn't important. It is.
4. BUILD UP KNOWLEDGE. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity and laziness is no excuse either. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world outside. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously, if you don't have plans to travel, get some. Being able and willing to sort out holidays is essential in the grand scheme of things.
5. CUT BACK ON BOOZE. This will never win any fair princess's heart. If you love your booze sort yourself out as there are other things in life too. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, but give them the impression that you live in there will get you absolutely nowhere - fast.
6. NOT TOO MUCH SPORT. If sport is a religion you may have a problem but everything by degrees guys. If you are serious about dating then ramming the subject of soccer, ball games or football down your date's throat will put them off in record time. Sport to the uninitiated is completely boring and shows not only sheep mentality to a woman but lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sport too and that is fine but don't make your passion into a one-sided one.
9. NO TO FIRST DATE SEX. If all you are after is sex you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams there is nothing more sexy than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman so do it instead of thinking with your balls.
10. BE A GENTLEMAN. A woman likes being treated well, particularly with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant, know about fashion and jewelry and in particular flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you should not go wrong.
11. LISTEN WELL. Keep your date interested but don't turn into a one man entertainer. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her by the bucketful. Fact.
12. NO SMOKING. It’s obvious why.
13. LEARN TO DANCE. Women love to dance and dancing is a physical contact sport (or can be). It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world's worst dancer, I don't care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. If you can join Salsa and dancing classes all the better. You don't need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.
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You are a guy who knows how to date, you are a guy who hasn't dated in years, you are a guy who has never been successful with women. Whatever your situation there are some common dating rules to follow when venturing into the dating jungle. These rules are simply to protect your emotional state and to ensure even handed success. Women are trained from day one in the art of dating warfare. They have a physical and emotional arsenal that you may never hope to match. But don't be outgunned, be prepared my friends as the dating battle isn't over yet buddy.
1. LOOK YOUR BEST. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes even if the last time you checked your Nike's out was 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don't just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her? Oh yes and buy a good well tailored suit, there is no excuse not to.
2. HYGIENE AND STYLING. Down to the barbers and sort out your hair, get a decent style if possible. If you don't have much hair still get down to the salon and either get your head shaved or something you can handle. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Yes that means some expense. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine and smell good always. Women appreciate it.
3. SORT OUT THE JOB. Women want a man who has some ambition in life so coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (by the way I love skateboarding!) Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. Change job if need be but at least try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself. If you already do, then you are on the right track but know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future because they will be asking questions about your prospects even if they pretend it isn't important. It is.
4. BUILD UP KNOWLEDGE. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity and laziness is no excuse either. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world outside. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously, if you don't have plans to travel, get some. Being able and willing to sort out holidays is essential in the grand scheme of things.
5. CUT BACK ON BOOZE. This will never win any fair princess's heart. If you love your booze sort yourself out as there are other things in life too. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, but give them the impression that you live in there will get you absolutely nowhere - fast.
6. NOT TOO MUCH SPORT. If sport is a religion you may have a problem but everything by degrees guys. If you are serious about dating then ramming the subject of soccer, ball games or football down your date's throat will put them off in record time. Sport to the uninitiated is completely boring and shows not only sheep mentality to a woman but lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sport too and that is fine but don't make your passion into a one-sided one.
9. NO TO FIRST DATE SEX. If all you are after is sex you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams there is nothing more sexy than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman so do it instead of thinking with your balls.
10. BE A GENTLEMAN. A woman likes being treated well, particularly with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant, know about fashion and jewelry and in particular flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you should not go wrong.
11. LISTEN WELL. Keep your date interested but don't turn into a one man entertainer. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her by the bucketful. Fact.
12. NO SMOKING. It’s obvious why.
13. LEARN TO DANCE. Women love to dance and dancing is a physical contact sport (or can be). It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world's worst dancer, I don't care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. If you can join Salsa and dancing classes all the better. You don't need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.
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Wednesday, 19 March 2008
FIRST FOUR WEEKS
Gosh, it doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone.
The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised. You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon.
For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great. You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation. Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!
After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future. You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best you can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool. Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.
If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool. The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.
There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already. The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase.
Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective. Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.
People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships. You will have progressed from first date to hopefully the nth time. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other.
Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.
The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories. If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done.
You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to describe how beautifully unsettling everything truly is.
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Gosh, it doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone.
The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised. You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon.
For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great. You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation. Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!
After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future. You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best you can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool. Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.
If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool. The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.
There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already. The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase.
Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective. Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.
People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships. You will have progressed from first date to hopefully the nth time. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other.
Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.
The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories. If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done.
You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to describe how beautifully unsettling everything truly is.
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008
ROMANTIC DATING MEMORIES
Romantic Dating memories about our romantic lives are important to all of us. I worked out once that in my adult life I had actually been single 14.5 years out of my first 20 adult years. It never actually felt like that but when I added up the time that I had really been with people in a proper sexual relationship, it was 6.5 years in 20 that I hadn't been single. I am sure some people who have been married for 20 years could say the same thing. I always believed that it was better to be alone, than lonely within a relationship and I think that kept me grounded.
To be sure, I had had some great relationships beginning when I was 17 or 18 and occurring intermittently through my 20's and 30's and none of them I regretted (well maybe one more recently). I had always felt like relationships were easy to begin if I wanted and dates were never very hard to find if I made the effort. So really I look back on my teenage years, my twenties and my thirties as busy decades of dating and relating. After adding up the figures above I was amazed therefore to find out just how long I have been single. So why do I think that I have not been single so much?
Well the answer lies in my romantic memories and how I use them. If one has had some nice relationship experiences then they can sustain you for years afterwards. They are like love-food that helps keep you stable and hopeful. The memory of nice times in relationships is something that can be drawn on and reused over and over again. I rarely relate to how my relationships ended, though I do remember how. But during solitary spells in my life I have found that thinking back to when I was together with a certain person provides an underlying strength of character.
Romantic memories are crucial for single people because they re-enforce belief and a sense of optimism. Often I am asked if I believe in love at first sight or true love or Mr. Right or the perfect mate and I do. I do because I am a dreamer. I do because it makes the world a better and nicer place to be. I do because I choose to believe that relationships can be solid and stable and trusting and warm and comfortable as well as sexy, passionate and dramatic. Without romantic memories we have little to work on which we can relate to. We need our own sense of perspective when moving forwards and we do this by relating to our past emotional experiences.
Romantic memories can be a double edged sword because over the years they allow us to overanalyze past relationships and emotional situations. It is best to accept that we did what we did due to the best of our knowledge at the time. If a relationship ended badly let it go. If it was your fault, learn and grow from your mistakes and move on. If you were at the receiving end you may still be fighting for answers even years later and it often stunts our emotional development. Again the key ingredient is to try and learn and move on and perhaps form your own answers if there are none available. But bad memories must be put to rest before we are ready for new relationships.
My own romantic memories have proven a fountain of wealth over my singe years. The earliest innocent relationships remind me of the purity of being in love and being able to grow with another person. Later romantic memories allow me to understand how relationships can grow and build in a more mature sense. I never compare any relationships I have had as each must be remembered as being unique. But I can find great comfort and happiness in knowing how things can be between two people.
I find that thinking about romantic memories allows me to relax, it allows me to think of positive ideas on new dates, it allows me to not repeat mistakes and it allows me a sense of positivity and success. When you have been single for a while it is easy to think that you will never find anyone. By thinking back to romantic good-ties you should be able to reaffirm that you are a winner in romance and that you do have what it takes and that you must be patient.
Romantic memories allow us to be specific about what we are looking for in the future and what basics must be included in future partner characteristics. For example, after dating quite a few girls, I know what kind of character suits me best. I have learned how to compromise along the way, how the physical attraction is heightened exponentially by mental attraction and how being with someone in the longer term, is what life is all about.
Being single isn't great. The only people who tell you it is are people aged 18 or people who are in bad relationships and want to get out. Yes the grass is always greener. The problem with being single is that is is essentially a lonely state of play. You have companionship through friends but you do hope of meeting someone special to share everything with. Let's speak plainly, it is natural to want to be with someone.
The point of this short article is to stress that romantic memories are a source of strength for single people. There is absolutely no harm in looking back at previous relationships and finding sources of inspiration within. I can easily argue that we are who we have dated. The person who stands in front of the mirror today is as much the person who has dated certain people, as the food they have eaten. I think that if you are single today then try looking back on the relationships you have had to see if there are things there that can be useful as sources of optimism and fuel for the future.
If you have had mainly bad times then your memories are not romantic so ditch them and get rid of them. There is no use in looking back at what might have been. Romantic memories are only useful where they confirm a sense of love and understanding that currently you don't have. The previous relationships are over, but the memories of good times will do a lot for you to drive you through to achieving romantic success in future.
Positive thoughts:
· Remember the good times and work out what you learned
· Remember what it felt like to be in love
· Think of the lessons you have learned from your relationships
· Decide what you like and what you don't from these memories
· Realize that there is nothing wrong to use past relationships as a basis for positive energy
· Learn to look forward from the past
· Forget trying to mentally fix past relationships - they're over
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Romantic Dating memories about our romantic lives are important to all of us. I worked out once that in my adult life I had actually been single 14.5 years out of my first 20 adult years. It never actually felt like that but when I added up the time that I had really been with people in a proper sexual relationship, it was 6.5 years in 20 that I hadn't been single. I am sure some people who have been married for 20 years could say the same thing. I always believed that it was better to be alone, than lonely within a relationship and I think that kept me grounded.
To be sure, I had had some great relationships beginning when I was 17 or 18 and occurring intermittently through my 20's and 30's and none of them I regretted (well maybe one more recently). I had always felt like relationships were easy to begin if I wanted and dates were never very hard to find if I made the effort. So really I look back on my teenage years, my twenties and my thirties as busy decades of dating and relating. After adding up the figures above I was amazed therefore to find out just how long I have been single. So why do I think that I have not been single so much?
Well the answer lies in my romantic memories and how I use them. If one has had some nice relationship experiences then they can sustain you for years afterwards. They are like love-food that helps keep you stable and hopeful. The memory of nice times in relationships is something that can be drawn on and reused over and over again. I rarely relate to how my relationships ended, though I do remember how. But during solitary spells in my life I have found that thinking back to when I was together with a certain person provides an underlying strength of character.
Romantic memories are crucial for single people because they re-enforce belief and a sense of optimism. Often I am asked if I believe in love at first sight or true love or Mr. Right or the perfect mate and I do. I do because I am a dreamer. I do because it makes the world a better and nicer place to be. I do because I choose to believe that relationships can be solid and stable and trusting and warm and comfortable as well as sexy, passionate and dramatic. Without romantic memories we have little to work on which we can relate to. We need our own sense of perspective when moving forwards and we do this by relating to our past emotional experiences.
Romantic memories can be a double edged sword because over the years they allow us to overanalyze past relationships and emotional situations. It is best to accept that we did what we did due to the best of our knowledge at the time. If a relationship ended badly let it go. If it was your fault, learn and grow from your mistakes and move on. If you were at the receiving end you may still be fighting for answers even years later and it often stunts our emotional development. Again the key ingredient is to try and learn and move on and perhaps form your own answers if there are none available. But bad memories must be put to rest before we are ready for new relationships.
My own romantic memories have proven a fountain of wealth over my singe years. The earliest innocent relationships remind me of the purity of being in love and being able to grow with another person. Later romantic memories allow me to understand how relationships can grow and build in a more mature sense. I never compare any relationships I have had as each must be remembered as being unique. But I can find great comfort and happiness in knowing how things can be between two people.
I find that thinking about romantic memories allows me to relax, it allows me to think of positive ideas on new dates, it allows me to not repeat mistakes and it allows me a sense of positivity and success. When you have been single for a while it is easy to think that you will never find anyone. By thinking back to romantic good-ties you should be able to reaffirm that you are a winner in romance and that you do have what it takes and that you must be patient.
Romantic memories allow us to be specific about what we are looking for in the future and what basics must be included in future partner characteristics. For example, after dating quite a few girls, I know what kind of character suits me best. I have learned how to compromise along the way, how the physical attraction is heightened exponentially by mental attraction and how being with someone in the longer term, is what life is all about.
Being single isn't great. The only people who tell you it is are people aged 18 or people who are in bad relationships and want to get out. Yes the grass is always greener. The problem with being single is that is is essentially a lonely state of play. You have companionship through friends but you do hope of meeting someone special to share everything with. Let's speak plainly, it is natural to want to be with someone.
The point of this short article is to stress that romantic memories are a source of strength for single people. There is absolutely no harm in looking back at previous relationships and finding sources of inspiration within. I can easily argue that we are who we have dated. The person who stands in front of the mirror today is as much the person who has dated certain people, as the food they have eaten. I think that if you are single today then try looking back on the relationships you have had to see if there are things there that can be useful as sources of optimism and fuel for the future.
If you have had mainly bad times then your memories are not romantic so ditch them and get rid of them. There is no use in looking back at what might have been. Romantic memories are only useful where they confirm a sense of love and understanding that currently you don't have. The previous relationships are over, but the memories of good times will do a lot for you to drive you through to achieving romantic success in future.
Positive thoughts:
· Remember the good times and work out what you learned
· Remember what it felt like to be in love
· Think of the lessons you have learned from your relationships
· Decide what you like and what you don't from these memories
· Realize that there is nothing wrong to use past relationships as a basis for positive energy
· Learn to look forward from the past
· Forget trying to mentally fix past relationships - they're over
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Monday, 17 March 2008
SINGLE AND 30
Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It's the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group - like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think - think a lot.
Now dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with. For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best dating options whilst we still can
Being ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love. We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don't match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.
The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk. Time is moving on, you don't want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age.
Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person. There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don't exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes. Men can lose their hair in their thirties and women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won't do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn't as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.
The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn't so easy to burn the candle at both ends. You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don't want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father. If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma. Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don't have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.
The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren't ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn't end. They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.
The purpose of this article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
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Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It's the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group - like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think - think a lot.
Now dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with. For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best dating options whilst we still can
Being ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love. We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don't match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.
The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk. Time is moving on, you don't want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age.
Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person. There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don't exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes. Men can lose their hair in their thirties and women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won't do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn't as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.
The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn't so easy to burn the candle at both ends. You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don't want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father. If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma. Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don't have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.
The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren't ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn't end. They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.
The purpose of this article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
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Sunday, 16 March 2008
INSTANT LOVE
How do we know when the single person we have begun to date is more than just another date on our ever-growing list of nameless faces and faceless names?
After all, surely we need some identifying features to root out the wheat from the chaff. Is this single person we have seen 6 of 7 times just good fun or do we really think they have the qualities to become relationship material?
To answer your own question you need to kn
ow who you are looking for and what characteristics are attractive to you and then try and stick to them. If you are dating the right kind of people for you and not just filling gaps in your diary then this may get you off to a good start.
Much of what determines your commitment to your date in the first few days and weeks is a combination of intuition, extra sensory perception (feelings) and what you care to see with your own eyes. If you are desperately lonely and want to meet someone then anyone will do and this article is irrelevant. If, however, you are more choosey which I suspect deep down you all are, then you will want to tray and detect and then reassure yourself that you haven't just made an awful mistake.
The first thing you should do after the first couple of dates is take a step back and be honest with yourself as to how you are truly feeling. Have you been swept off your feet? Are you relieved they are nice? Are you blown away by their good looks? Can you handle the first few peculiarities you have spotted in the? And although they are cute now, will they be in 40 years? Can you see yourself with them 10 years down the line? Can you picture them older? Do they make you feel alive because before you were bored? Or do they make you feel alive because they are dynamite?
Do you hang on their every word and wait for the next date with baited breath? Do you find yourself abandoning your old routine and new horizons opening up? Can you still eat or has your appetite gone? Have you been shopping to make yourself look fresh and hot? Do you find yourself getting in at 4am from a date and do you find yourself having any sleepless nights with your mind full of excited thoughts?
Do you find yourself anxious and panicking? Do you find yourself questioning the intensity of how you are feeling? Are you finding your feelings fully reciprocated? Is there a clear sense of communication between you? Do you actually have similar opinions and tastes or do you care?
Do you want to spend all your time with them now or do you find that you are worried your current lifestyle is being compromised more than you would like? Are you doing the calling or are they and how does this make you feel?
In other words, start analyzing the situation as you see it and be bold. Be critical and look at where you are finding yourself being led. If you are happy and content with all the major questions then keep going because you may have just chosen well. If you find on the other hand that you have some small niggling doubts then don't push these thoughts away as they aren't going anywhere, they will just become amplified over time.
The main issue is one of whether you trust your new date and whether you believe what you are being told. It is amazing how many single girl I meet how say that strangely they haven't been allowed to see where he lives, or are not quite sure what he does for a living or how much he earns or where his parents live. This isn't an enigma factor single ladies, it is a sure sign that all is not quite right. There may be some perfectly valid reasons why things are concealed from you in the first few weeks so don't push things too far. You may not yet have earned the right to know everything about your new love. At the same time, you should feel that the possibility of finding everything important out is imminent. Evasive behavior is exactly that - untrustworthy and your alarm bells should ring.
Trusting your imagination is very important. If you can see yourself with that a single person in all kinds of situations then you may have chosen well. It is important to creatively imagine how you think you will be together in various scenarios, from being on vacation, to being married, to maybe having children to being older. In doing so you get a sense of how things might work out or might not. If you really can't see yourself with them long term then maybe better to cut your losses whilst you can.
Conversation is critical in establishing if things feel right. Sex does not disguise any problems eventually although sex is a good temporary fix. If your relationship is based on sex then it’s great whilst it lasts but I doubt that it will last. People say that opposites attract and that is true in that you bring different experiences and opinions to the relationship but the foundation of being a great couple is on a deeper, more critical level of respect and understanding. I find that couples with similar outlooks on life do well together because they have built a support system for each other which require little explanation. It is called a common understanding. This sometimes explains why couples from certain regions, places, or faiths have better success than the melting pot luck of a big city.
Ultimately if you compliment each other and you find that your new love brings to the relationship most of the essential qualities that you really do hold most dear then you are in a strong position for relationship success. If there are some basic flaws but you are having a good time then enjoy yourself but know that the person you are with is for now and not for the future.
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How do we know when the single person we have begun to date is more than just another date on our ever-growing list of nameless faces and faceless names?
After all, surely we need some identifying features to root out the wheat from the chaff. Is this single person we have seen 6 of 7 times just good fun or do we really think they have the qualities to become relationship material?
To answer your own question you need to kn
ow who you are looking for and what characteristics are attractive to you and then try and stick to them. If you are dating the right kind of people for you and not just filling gaps in your diary then this may get you off to a good start.
Much of what determines your commitment to your date in the first few days and weeks is a combination of intuition, extra sensory perception (feelings) and what you care to see with your own eyes. If you are desperately lonely and want to meet someone then anyone will do and this article is irrelevant. If, however, you are more choosey which I suspect deep down you all are, then you will want to tray and detect and then reassure yourself that you haven't just made an awful mistake.
The first thing you should do after the first couple of dates is take a step back and be honest with yourself as to how you are truly feeling. Have you been swept off your feet? Are you relieved they are nice? Are you blown away by their good looks? Can you handle the first few peculiarities you have spotted in the? And although they are cute now, will they be in 40 years? Can you see yourself with them 10 years down the line? Can you picture them older? Do they make you feel alive because before you were bored? Or do they make you feel alive because they are dynamite?
Do you hang on their every word and wait for the next date with baited breath? Do you find yourself abandoning your old routine and new horizons opening up? Can you still eat or has your appetite gone? Have you been shopping to make yourself look fresh and hot? Do you find yourself getting in at 4am from a date and do you find yourself having any sleepless nights with your mind full of excited thoughts?
Do you find yourself anxious and panicking? Do you find yourself questioning the intensity of how you are feeling? Are you finding your feelings fully reciprocated? Is there a clear sense of communication between you? Do you actually have similar opinions and tastes or do you care?
Do you want to spend all your time with them now or do you find that you are worried your current lifestyle is being compromised more than you would like? Are you doing the calling or are they and how does this make you feel?
In other words, start analyzing the situation as you see it and be bold. Be critical and look at where you are finding yourself being led. If you are happy and content with all the major questions then keep going because you may have just chosen well. If you find on the other hand that you have some small niggling doubts then don't push these thoughts away as they aren't going anywhere, they will just become amplified over time.
The main issue is one of whether you trust your new date and whether you believe what you are being told. It is amazing how many single girl I meet how say that strangely they haven't been allowed to see where he lives, or are not quite sure what he does for a living or how much he earns or where his parents live. This isn't an enigma factor single ladies, it is a sure sign that all is not quite right. There may be some perfectly valid reasons why things are concealed from you in the first few weeks so don't push things too far. You may not yet have earned the right to know everything about your new love. At the same time, you should feel that the possibility of finding everything important out is imminent. Evasive behavior is exactly that - untrustworthy and your alarm bells should ring.
Trusting your imagination is very important. If you can see yourself with that a single person in all kinds of situations then you may have chosen well. It is important to creatively imagine how you think you will be together in various scenarios, from being on vacation, to being married, to maybe having children to being older. In doing so you get a sense of how things might work out or might not. If you really can't see yourself with them long term then maybe better to cut your losses whilst you can.
Conversation is critical in establishing if things feel right. Sex does not disguise any problems eventually although sex is a good temporary fix. If your relationship is based on sex then it’s great whilst it lasts but I doubt that it will last. People say that opposites attract and that is true in that you bring different experiences and opinions to the relationship but the foundation of being a great couple is on a deeper, more critical level of respect and understanding. I find that couples with similar outlooks on life do well together because they have built a support system for each other which require little explanation. It is called a common understanding. This sometimes explains why couples from certain regions, places, or faiths have better success than the melting pot luck of a big city.
Ultimately if you compliment each other and you find that your new love brings to the relationship most of the essential qualities that you really do hold most dear then you are in a strong position for relationship success. If there are some basic flaws but you are having a good time then enjoy yourself but know that the person you are with is for now and not for the future.
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