WAYS TO BOOST SELF-ESTEEM AFTER A BREAK UP

No matter who initiated the break, the end of a relationship is hard on one's ego. While going through the grieving process, it's important to move on with your life. Jumping into another relationship to build your self-esteem is not really the answer to the post-break up blues and self-doubts. Try some of these other tips to help put the past behind you, and look towards your future, with more confidence and self-esteem.

Aesthetics: Whether you are a man or a woman, having a fresh start often means changing your look. You may have been in a long- term relationship and "let yourself go." Many times there is a sense of complacency in long-term relationships, and our personal style and fitness might suffer. Take an honest look at yourself and let's make some positive changes to boost your self-esteem.

• Hair and Make up: Changing and updating a hairstyle can be an important step in making you feel good about yourself after a break up. Both Men and Women can benefit from spending some time at a salon and updating their personal hairstyle. Put your trust in the stylist and allow them to suggest new looks for you. Be daring and take a leap. Changing your hair, and learning how to create fun new do's with it is a great way to start off your transformation.

Ladies, you might want to invite some friends along and make it a spa day. Relaxation and laughter with good friends is the best medicine for a broken heart and confused mind. Get a manicure or pedicure, have your make up done differently and follow it up with a night on the town. This is about the new you, emerging from your grief into your new confident self who knows she will survive.

• The Clothes Make the Man or Woman! Have you gotten comfortable in your sweatpants rut? Time to spend some dough on new threads! You don't have to spend a fortune to pick up just a few new items to make you feel fresh and renewed. Bring a friend along on a shopping day, and get yourself a new outfit for dates and casual nights with friends. Buy apparel that brings a smile to your face, bright colors and fun styles will help break you out of the blues and bring your wardrobe into the new social scene.

• Get in Shape: Whether you gained a few pounds or broke out of your previous healthy exercise routine, now is the time to reclaim the best that you can be by being fit and healthy. Join a gym, or even just set up an evening to walk with a neighbor, any kind of routine exercise will not only make you look good, but will allow your body to help make you feel better as well. Regular exercise is great for lifting depression, and seeing increases in your fitness level may encourage you to try out new sports like tennis, or even rock climbing! Decide what interests you and get your body moving!

Mental Changes: Now that the work of aesthetic changes is done, you need to focus your thoughts on the positives around you. Getting through the emotions of the break up is hard work, but working towards the future can give you hope and a purpose for your day.

• Write it Out: You've cried, and talked to your friends endlessly about the loss of your relationship. You may be tempted to further clear the air by communicating with your Ex… but don't look back. Write out your feelings in a journal, for your eyes only. This will give you the chance to honestly divest yourself of the pent up fears and frustrations that you may be afraid to confide to friends. The act of pouring your thoughts onto paper will also help you to stop perseverating on "what- ifs" and "should-of's." Once you write it out, put those thoughts away and get on with the business of happier living.

• Set Goals: Having a hard time thinking of reasons to get out of bed in the morning? Don't convince yourself that you are worthless or uninteresting. It is simply not true. Setting concrete goals can help to remind you of the things you want to accomplish and your talents and skills. Get yourself a large dry erase board and hang it in your kitchen, hallway, or bedroom. Create three columns labeled "Goals", "Steps," and "Deadlines." Have you always wanted to travel to Italy? Find out what it would take to make that dream come true. Contact a travel agent and perhaps a friend who may like to go along. Figure out what it would take financially and logistically, and set you a reasonable goal of 6 months, or even 2 years! The deadline doesn't matter as long as you are reminded of your dream and are taking steps to make it happen. Maybe you would like to learn how to cook, dance, or even just spend more time with friends. Make these into goals and start pursuing your dreams. Taking classes or even socializing with friends can help rebuild ones self-esteem and provide you with much needed opportunities to meet new people, and get to know yourself!

The Best Revenge is to Live Well: No matter what you choose to do, choose to do something. Don't let the heartache of a lost relationship continue to affect you by making you believe you are undesirable or uninteresting. Get up and get out. Rebuild your self-esteem by following your own desires and interests and spend some much-deserved time on yourself. Whether you think you would most benefit from a massage or a gym membership, set your goals, and look toward your future as the self confident, and appealing person you are.

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WHO SHOULD YOU DATE

When looking for a someone to date, use discretion and common sense. Sometimes it’s not prudent to date the most attractive or available person. Instead, take your time, check your options, and choose appropriately.

1. Look for someone who’s stable. Indicators of stability may include how long the person has held a job, where he or she works, the type of work, and income level. A person who hops from one job to the next or hasn’t much ambition may be difficult to depend on for financial needs. Even if you plan to split costs in the event of marriage, you want to know your future spouse will be able to provide for you and any children that might come along. Drinking or drug habits might further interfere with the person’s ability to hold a job or remain committed to the relationship.

2. Choose a respectful partner. Respect is a cornerstone to any healthy relationship, and should be practiced by both persons. Verbal respect is evidenced through appropriate language and tone as well as restraint when angry. For example, your partner should not resort to name-calling, excessive criticism, or constant blaming. The person can display behavioral respect by keeping promises and showing up on time. Maintaining proper boundaries is a reputable way of showing respect, as well.

3. The person should be reliable. Does she arrive on time? Are commitments maintained? Can he be counted on in a pinch? Does she do what she says she will, and when? It’s no fun to continually be disappointed by someone who doesn’t keep his word or follow through on promises. Most of us want a partner who sticks to a schedule or keeps his or her word.

4. The importance of trust. Another building block to a solid relationship, trust helps to foster commitment and longevity between two people. If you believe your partner is dedicated to you and the integrity of your union, and if you behave the same way, the two of you should be able to build a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship. Lies, half-truths, and double-dealing are sure ways to break down any hope of trust, which then will require careful rebuilding if the relationship can be salvaged at all.

5. Select a caring partner. Unless you don’t care for affectionate displays of words or embraces, you may want to seek someone who is not afraid to show emotion and attention as your relationship matures. This might take the form of verbal endearments, physical gestures, or quality time set aside to nurture the relationship. Someone who does none of these things may become a disappointment partner over time, and the relationship might fizzle.

Characteristics like these are important to many people looking for successful relationships. Of course, you may want to make your own list of things to look for in a long-term dating partner. If you settle for spontaneity, the relationship may be exciting, but you can’t be sure how things will go or how long they will last.

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DATING – WHAT TO SAY, WHAT NOT TO SAY

Making conversation on a date can be a challenge. Whether you’re on a first date or a third, it is important to make a good impression and chatting is an opportunity to learn about your date. Learn what topics are great date material and which conversation stoppers should be left unspoken.

Great Date Conversations
1. Play off of a common passion: If you’ve previously discovered your date shares an interest with you – a sport, hobby, pets, a mutual friend – use it as a discussion point.

2. Show an interest in your date: Ask your date about himself: his job, where he went to school, how he spends his free time. Ask simple questions and then follow up as you learn interesting things about him.

3. Discuss local entertainment: Talk about local clubs, restaurants and other places you have enjoyed visiting or that you have an interest in. A discussion of a new club everyone is talking about may lead to a date at the club.

4. Compliment your date: A sincere compliment to your date is one way to warm up the evening. Tell her she looks really fantastic, you like the perfume she is wearing or that she makes everything you do fun. Don’t overdo it, but a nice compliment is a great way to let your date know you like her.

5. Share things that interest you: People are generally most interesting when they are speaking about things that excite them. Share the things that interest you with your date. If you recently took a scuba diving trip where you saw exotic fish, this is going to be interesting to most people. Do be careful not to offer a monologue or get stuck on a topic, however.

Conversation Don’ts
1. Don’t get serious too quickly: Early dates are not the time to bring up weighty relationship issues. Don’t discuss marriage on a first, second or third date. It might be appropriate conversation by a fifteenth date.

2. Don’t discuss exes: A date is not the time to bring up a past relationship. Talking about an ex on a date indicates an unwillingness to move forward into new relationships.

3. Don’t mention your biological clock: Regardless of how much you long for children, do not mention this desire on an early date. Discussing kids too soon is a surefire way to never see your date again.

4. Don’t interrogate your date: While it is friendly to ask your date questions, do not quiz her. A date should not be a barrage of intense questions; it should be a relaxed and pleasant give and take.

5. Don’t lie: Do not tell your date you are something you are not; the truth will eventually come out and an early lie can derail any chance the relationship may have had.

Whatever you talk to your date about, make sure you listen to your date at least as much as you talk. Treat your date with respect, do not interrupt when someone else is speaking, and be generally courteous to everyone around you

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DATING – WHAT TO SAY, WHAT NOT TO SAY

Making conversation on a date can be a challenge. Whether you’re on a first date or a third, it is important to make a good impression and chatting is an opportunity to learn about your date. Learn what topics are great date material and which conversation stoppers should be left unspoken.

Great Date Conversations
1. Play off of a common passion: If you’ve previously discovered your date shares an interest with you – a sport, hobby, pets, a mutual friend – use it as a discussion point.

2. Show an interest in your date: Ask your date about himself: his job, where he went to school, how he spends his free time. Ask simple questions and then follow up as you learn interesting things about him.

3. Discuss local entertainment: Talk about local clubs, restaurants and other places you have enjoyed visiting or that you have an interest in. A discussion of a new club everyone is talking about may lead to a date at the club.

4. Compliment your date: A sincere compliment to your date is one way to warm up the evening. Tell her she looks really fantastic, you like the perfume she is wearing or that she makes everything you do fun. Don’t overdo it, but a nice compliment is a great way to let your date know you like her.

5. Share things that interest you: People are generally most interesting when they are speaking about things that excite them. Share the things that interest you with your date. If you recently took a scuba diving trip where you saw exotic fish, this is going to be interesting to most people. Do be careful not to offer a monologue or get stuck on a topic, however.

Conversation Don’ts
1. Don’t get serious too quickly: Early dates are not the time to bring up weighty relationship issues. Don’t discuss marriage on a first, second or third date. It might be appropriate conversation by a fifteenth date.

2. Don’t discuss exes: A date is not the time to bring up a past relationship. Talking about an ex on a date indicates an unwillingness to move forward into new relationships.

3. Don’t mention your biological clock: Regardless of how much you long for children, do not mention this desire on an early date. Discussing kids too soon is a surefire way to never see your date again.

4. Don’t interrogate your date: While it is friendly to ask your date questions, do not quiz her. A date should not be a barrage of intense questions; it should be a relaxed and pleasant give and take.

5. Don’t lie: Do not tell your date you are something you are not; the truth will eventually come out and an early lie can derail any chance the relationship may have had.

Whatever you talk to your date about, make sure you listen to your date at least as much as you talk. Treat your date with respect, do not interrupt when someone else is speaking, and be generally courteous to everyone around you
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ACTIVITIES TO GET BACK ON THE DATING SCENE

Shows that highlight the singles lifestyle like “Sex in the City” make couples think back on their single bachelor/bachelorette days with nostalgia. However, many couples forget how difficult and anxiety-ridden it could be to live within the singles scene. Many single men and women will admit that it isn’t always easy living the single lifestyle. Maybe you have been single for a while now and want to find out how to thrust yourself into the dating scene or maybe you have recently left a relationship and want to pick up and move on. Whatever your situation may be, here are some ideas on activities and outings that will seamlessly get you right back into the dating scene.

1) Hobbies: Perhaps you love cooking gourmet dinners or baking delicious pastries and cookies. Or maybe you enjoy woodworking or welding or pottery. Now is the time to take a class on one of your hobbies. You may end up meeting somebody in your class who shares your same interests and hobbies. You can find these types of classes at your local gourmet grocery store, a local community college or university or through your local newspaper or crafts store. Be adventurous and take that class on stained glass like you’ve always thought about. Even if you don’t end up meeting somebody that is datable, you’ll have a new craft or hobby under your belt.


2) Go Out With Friends: When we’re single, we have other single friends or couples who invite us to go out dancing or to the movies or out to eat. Many times, we end up declining because we don’t want to feel like the third wheel or we just get “too tired” to go out. Why not try actually going out when friends invite you? Unless you have an endless stream of repairmen or repairwomen coming through your apartment or house, you won’t meet anybody staying at home watching reruns of “Friends” and “NYPD Blue.” Put on that new dress or that new shirt and have fun. You never know who you may end up meeting when you actually put yourself out there.

3) Happy Hours: No matter where you currently work, chances are there is somebody at your office that always organizes a happy hour at least once a month. This is when a group of colleagues go out after work on a Friday and have drinks and cheap appetizers. This gives you a chance to be yourself after a day of being locked up in a cube or office poring over memos and data. It is hard to completely be yourself in the work environment, so this will give your colleagues a chance to see you as yourself, away from the office.

4) Holiday Parties: Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner and you are getting invitations left and right to attend this and that holiday party. Instead of snuggling up alone with a fruit cake and a mug of egg nog in front of your fireplace, why not try attending some of these holiday parties. You will not only meet potential friends, but also potential dates.

5) Blind Dates: When you are single, almost every friend you have and every couple you know will want to set you up on a blind date because they think they know a perfect mate for you. Instead of discounting your friends and family who are setting these blind dates up, go on them. Who knows? Maybe your mom really does know what type of woman or man you like.
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RIDICULOUS DATES
I was thinking the other day that I have been on some ridiculous dates in my time. Some have been a waste of my time and some have been utter fiasco's that barely require repeating. I got wondering as to how they happened in the first place and my answer was that I had let my guard down and had began to date people who weren't really compatible at all. Maybe it was because of recent abstinence from sex, or perhaps due to a need for company and affection - but in these circumstances I find myself agreeing to all sorts of idiocy.

Be assured that when you are dating you will meet your fair share of eccentrics, wasters and fools. You will meet those who will simply waste your time, show you little respect or have no idea why they are there. You will meet those who will make excuses and leave and a few who will not turn up at all. And on almost all occasions you do well to realize that it has very little to do with you. It takes all kinds to make a world and you will meet all kinds when you are dating.
The thing to remember when dating is that you are almost certain not going to hit the jackpot first time. It does happen occasionally particularly when younger (but for other reasons); but as we grow older we have harder criteria to meet and match with. Dating is a lottery, that's for sure. People will date you to see whether they can date you. They don't really want it to go anywhere, they simply want the sense of achievement from you saying yes. And that applies to men and to women.

I have met some real losers in my time. People who hadn't got a clue what they were doing. People who had probably last been to dinner when the menu was written in Latin. I have met the socially inept, the downright arrogant, the rude and vicious, the loud and raucous and the occasional stalker. And looking back I probably wouldn't have changed a thing except to say that I wish they hadn't cost me so much money and wasted so much of my time. The real ridiculous losers who I wish I had never dated are the ones who wasted more of my time that I can remember. The ones who kept me hanging on whilst they sorted out their own frail mental well-being. The ones who were 'confused' about their feelings and weren't sure if they could commit. Oh please. The most ridiculous people I have dated though without a doubt were the people who told lies and thought I would be too stupid to spot them.

Here is a lovely list of some ridiculous dating scenarios I have encountered over the years. I am sure yours are better or similar to mine but it just goes to show my friends that we are not alone! I have not included names to spare the not-so-innocent but you know who you are.

· A girl I met in New York and temporarily dated for a few weeks decided to spend three months phoning me every day when I was in Toronto. As she was a great girl I was extremely flattered but very wary as she had not been able to give any commitment previously. Anyway after being harangued for three months I relented and agreed to a romantic weekend back in Manhattan with her as she lived in New Jersey. She duly arranged my flights via Pittsburgh to La Guardia and booked me into the Grand Hyatt on 42nd Street for 3 nights. On landing I phoned her on a her cell phone to see where we would be meeting and she said that this weekend was not so good as she was busy ! She said she may be able to meet for dinner on Sunday evening! Today was Friday. So I spent three solitary days in New York by myself seeing the sights and walking for miles. I never did get an explanation but lets just say that I decided she was insane.

· I met a very excitable girl on a dating site who seemed to be really lovely. After a couple of weeks of chatting I agreed to get the train to London where we could meet for dinner. As I was pulling into the station after a 6 hours journey beginning at 5am my phone rang. The girl asked if I had arrived and we had a short chat. On arriving at my hotel the girl called again to say that she wouldn't be meeting me as she had heard an echo on my phone and believed that I was a married man calling from my London apartment and disguising the fact that I was married !! This was based on no evidence whatsoever. After reasoning with her she did turn up to meet me in a bar. Well I presume she did as I had long since gone home. Ridiculous.

· When living in Hong Kong I dated a very lovely local girl from Kowloon for a couple of weeks and we danced and dined out and laughed and went sightseeing. We never kissed or touched as is the Chinese way and kept things on a platonic level. One night in a thunderstorm on the Peak above central Hong Kong we kissed for the first time and she announced that she had decided that we would be married and that she intended to see me every day from now on. Without asking she attempted to move into my room, brought her things and refused to leave. What began as a kiss within hours turned into a comic case of stalking unparalleled in my experience. The phone had to be kept off and my movements varied. Weeks later I left Hong Kong and never went back. Be careful who you kiss!

· I remember dating a girl who believed she was the worlds greatest liar. She would come out with lots of amazing stories about who she had been with and where and it was clear every time that they were made up. In fact it was so obvious that she was lying that even her friends would cringe. She would always get very angry if any questions were asked but the ridiculous thing was that she really did think I believed her. In fact she was so much of a liar that to this day it is impossible to speak to her due to still trying to convince me of untruths.

You could make up excuses for these kinds of behavior but its always best just to smile and put it down to experience. Life isn't so serious when dating and most of the people you meet are lovely. It is the eccentricities of people that make me laugh. But the ones that hurt are the ones where people tell lies to fool you. Like the girl I dated who went to visit her sister in Barcelona. She told me it was for a few weeks and each week would say she would be back shortly. After three months she had not returned and it transpired that she was now actually living in Barcelona and dating a guy from the US. However she found it easier to keep me hanging on than tell the truth. These are the people we can do without.

Be Cautious as Follows:
· Don't put yourself out on a limb for a new date
· Don't travel unnecessarily unless you are sure
· Don't believe everything you are told initially
· Don't trust everything you perceive at first
· Women can be as manipulative as men can be
· Do laugh about your dating mishaps later
· Have a sense of humor when dating
· Try and be philosophical about the ridiculous nature of events
· Don't spend too much money when dating initially
· Don't expect too much when dating a lot, just relax
· Put life and people down to experience
· You will kiss a few frogs before you find a prince
· Make sure you are prepared for what you are getting into
· Always get photos of people you met on the Internet first
· Don't let people waste your time and never be too accommodating
· If people have wasted your time don't give a second chance and walk away

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TOP 10 ROMANTIC MOVIES
Never has a subject been more emotive than when I ran a small survey to find out which were our favourite top 10 romantic movies of all time. First of all there is the problem of defining what constitutes 'romantic'. Then there is the era and age of the movie. Then there is the notion of what counts as a movie. In other words can a made-for-TV program count. Finally, after pulling my hair out with the stress of it all, I whittled the answers down to a final ten. You may not agree, you may send me your own lists and you may threaten me with violence but the point is, there is no definitive list. We all have our own top 10 romantic movies based on what we have viewed over the years. And that is it. Here

LOVE STORY (1970)
The music helps I have to say has an amazing impact once again on recent viewing but that's not the whole story by far. One of the best and most popular and enduring love stories on celluloid you can find. Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neal star in a film that will have you reaching for the tissue box without doubt. Its funny how often romance is linked with sadness but I am not getting into that here. We have everything that a tearjerker can throw at you- rich boy, poor girl, opposing father, success, disaster, fatal illness etc. Superbly filmed and an emotional rollercoaster. Fabulous and a must-see, just watch it on your own though of you are prone to tears.

TITANIC (1997)
Would you like someone to die for you, or want to die for someone? In tragedy we often find the barest soul of romance and so it is with this movie. The romance is not so much in the characters but in the fact that it is so intense and so brief and so unfairly taken away within a setting of huge drama. Self sacrifice may be the romantic ideal being portrayed here but there are few us of who watched this without a tear. At 3 hours, we are overtaken by every emotion and for days afterwards the movie leaves a haunting impact. But it is the drama of the two lovers that affected the worlds audiences the most. Superb.

SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE (1993)
I cannot believe this is only ten years ago. To me it feels like a film from folklore, certainly in terms of perfect romantic movies. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks may be too sweet a pairing for some but in terms of romantic fantasy land this is about as close to heaven as one can get. Beautifully scripted and filmed and pulling on our heart strings with required, it is the perfect vehicle for the starts of the show to illustrate why they are both romantic stars. Meeting on top of the Empire State building - well who wouldn't! There are some reviews on the web that try and analyze this movie as if it was Ben Hur, lets not bother. Instead grab your pop corn and settle in with your sweetheart.

PRETTY WOMAN (1990)
When asked, it came back in almost every top 10 I was given. Maybe it was the dream pairing of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, maybe it was the story of a girl finally made good. Maybe it was simply about boy choosing girl just when you think he might not. Whatever aspect you wish to focus on, this is top class romantic entertainment that over the years has not aged one bit. Critics should take note of the people's view as there were some unkind reports on this movie. Clearly these guys have no heart. Rent and watch and remind yourself how on screen romance should look. Yes it may be a re make of Pygmalion but quite frankly, who cares.

CITY OF ANGELS (1998)
My personal favourite and one that is hugely successful in terms of presenting the answer to the complex romantic equation of romance, love and mortality. Meg Ryan again and based partly on the classic earlier film Wim Wenders' movie, Wings of Desire, City of Angels is beautifully filmed and acted, Meg being particularly on form. Nicholas Cage as the angel Seth finds himself at odds with the world by falling in love with Meg who looks almost as angelic as Nick throughout. Ultimately Seth's fall from grace to be with the woman he loves tugs at the heart but nothing on earth can prepare you for romantic drama of the final moments. From the opening heart breaking scene, to the angels portrayed as beings of light, aloof in high places, this movie appeals on every level Glorious and gorgeous in every way with a music score to match.

CASABLANCA (1942)
This classic and adored timeless classic is really a romantic melodrama. Often quoted ("here's lookin' at you, kid" and the always misquoted "play it again Sam"), it has lost none of its romantic value in the last 61 years. Against a wartime backdrop we are presented as viewers with a classic love triangle where two men vie of the affections of the same woman. Humphrey Bogart in splendid form as the exiled loner and the film its self attends to the theme of lost love. The ending is a romantic classic. If it is Sunday evening and raining outside this is the one for you (both).

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER (1957)
One of my favourites, the essential romantic storyline is that Cary Grant, an eligible bachelor is set to marry an heiress. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your viewpoint he meets Deborah Kerr whilst traveling alone on a luxury yacht and realizes he's engaged to the wrong woman. Just to complicate matters, she is engaged to the wrong man. In the end they agree to spend six months apart and if they still love each other they will reunite six months later at the top of the Empire State Building. Of course the threat of tragedy strikes. Even today elements of this storyline find their way into modern romantic productions. I have to mention one of the top cinematic romantic moments when Cary Grant walks into Deborah Kerr's room and sees the painting she had bought but which he had painted. A great romantic treat.

THE WAY WE WERE (1973)
I have always been a great fan of Robert Redford and it is easy today for the younger generation to forget not only his but Barbara Streisand 's formidable talents. Here we have two young lovers with differing political ideologies who come together, one the conservative , the other a radical. Its an odd thing but there are aspects to the American cinema of the early 1970's that have never been emulated (see The Last Picture Show for example) anywhere else and this embodies many sensitive romantic ideals that are rarely portrayed today. Miss Streisand won a deserved Oscar for her portrayal of the woman in love and the music will make your spine tingle. Lovely.

DR ZHIVAGO (1965)
The year I was born was 1965 but Omar Sharif still looks better today than I ever have. The music is mesmerizing, the, film work unbelievable and epic and the love story, simply stunning. Recently re-released in special edition DVD format, this is one for a weekend in and perfect for lovers of romantic movies everywhere. Julie Christie still look as gorgeous as ever and the perfect romantic heroine for this film. Set against the backdrop of the Russian revolution, Sharif and Christie portray two lovers who are separated and brought together again by war and fate. Once again it is a movie that combines romance and tragedy as the two appear to be intertwined but for a treat of cinematic vistas and passion this is a must see.

BRIEF ENCOUNTER (1946)
Celia and Johnson and Trevor Howard star in this romantic classic. A housewife by chance meets a married Doctor at a railway station. What transpires is a cinematic masterpiece of inspired passion and unrequited love between an English middle-class man and woman. Even the title has moved into general romantic speak. If you haven't seen it then put it at the top of the pile because you cannot be classed as educated in the art of romance until you have. My own note is that I was told it was filmed at Carnforth railway station at the edge of the English Lake District.
Oh and we now want to add the fantastic John Cusack movie, High Fidelity - just because !

Happy romantic viewing!


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ONLINE DATING TIPS
At Lets Get Together , we are here to help you be successful in dating and meeting new friends. It's what we do best. We want to take this opportunity of providing you with some hints and tips on helping you date safely, and successfully find that special person. You may wish to make and meet a new friend. Your main interest may be in dating online or dating in person, you may wish to find love and romance, perhaps the person you dream of marrying. It could be that you wish to travel or play sport or an activity and need a companion or other activity partner to come along.

The key to meeting new friends is to have fun, relax and enjoy. http://www.lets-get-together.co.uk/is an excellent example of a dating site environment in which you can do these things safely and without any pressure. If you decide to meet someone there or in the outside world, then we feel there are some basic ideas you should follow for your personal comfort.

Of course, they cannot take responsibility for your actions using their services, as you are all adults, but they can offer some advice based on our own experiences.

Okay, so what can you do to help yourself?
First you need to get replies to your emails and messages. To do this here are some tips you may find helpful:-

Think about how your profile is written. Ensure there are NO spelling mistakes in your My Own Words section and your emails and messages. This is the first important rule.

Keep your description short but be completely honest. If you are not being truthful then when you meet, you will be discovered, if not before.
Add fun and humour to your profile, and don't be too serious at first.
Don't be afraid to state who you wish to meet and why. Most adults know the kind of person they are attracted to, even if they are not sure why.

Tell people what you like and perhaps things you don't. Don't be offensive though.

Take your time, you can edit your profile at Lets Get Together at any time.
Change it occasionally to keep it fresh, and try to be original.

Add a photo to your profile. We find that a member with a photo can get anything up to 9 times the amount of replies, in comparison with those that do not include one.

Be polite with messaging, and don’t make judgments about the length of time to get a reply.

Please don’t feel you need to block someone just because they are too busy to chat this time. Be cool.

Keep your first email short and to the point, perhaps humorous and interesting. Don't include too much detail at this point, and just a few things that you have in common. Make the email talkative and allow it to flow. Don't be too serious at this stage or too emotional.

Do NOT include you personal details in an introduction email. Leave that until a relationship is established, and you feel very comfortable with the other person.

Try and contact a few people at the same time, but always those who you have matched, not those who you have nothing in common with as they will not welcome your contact.

Be honest and stick to the truth. It is all too easy to add things that at this stage are not checkable. However, you may get caught out later and ruin a fantastic friendship or romance.

Always reply quite quickly to any messages.

Don't talk about money or possessions at this time. Most people like or love someone for who they are, not what they have. We assume you do not want to find someone who simply wants you for what you can provide.

Do not apply any form of pressure in an email, whether it be for a reply or a meeting. Do not be critical of their profile or photo. This will create a negative response.

Okay, so once you have mailed other members and are receiving their emails, then you may wish to consider the following:-
Ensure Your Privacy is Protected
The information you supply when you register at dating sites like Lets Get Together is completely confidential. Your registration details are kept secret from all members and under no circumstances are made available to any third party. No member of staff should ever ask you for your password. They must NOT use your contact or email details for marketing purposes. Any member who matches you in their searches can only see what you have told them in terms of your personal profile, nothing more. Therefore, remember not to include you actual email address or telephone number in the text of your profile or in emails unless you are sure that you would like to take your friendship further. Dating sites generally cannot access your emails and do not have any control on what information you supply to another member. If someone you are in contact with is not giving much away then perhaps you should err on the side of caution.

Listen to Your Intuition
Often overlooked I feel. This is the thing we all use on a daily basis and we all trust our intuition often. It’s easy to get carried away when someone appears to be interested. Remember the rule, if you suspect something, you are probably correct. Trust your judgment. Listen to what you are being told. Ask many questions. Don't give too many details away if the other person tells you very little. If someone is being honest, they will be happy to tell you about themselves and their lives.

A key point is to make sure that you are enjoying your online dating. Never ever let someone pressure you. If you don't want to explain something or provide certain details then do not. A real friend will behave in a patient and relaxed way. After receiving an email, sit back and think about what you are being told, take your time and try and sense the person behind the email. And read their profile thoroughly.

When the Time Comes
At some point you may wish to meet in person the friend you have made. Remember the rule, you only have to meet someone if you really want to. If you feel uncomfortable about meeting, then don't agree to meet. Even if you have agreed, you can change your mind whenever you like. Perhaps you need to chat for longer, perhaps it would be better to use the phone first. Do not give out your home number, address, or personal details unless you are sure about the person you wish to meet.

If you do decide it's time to take your friendship a step further, then here are some things to think about. It may save you a great deal of time and effort: -
Ask yourself these questions:
Do you feel you know the person well?Have they answered all your question?Are they patient, good humored and fun?Do you trust them?Have they applied any pressure on you?Do you know what they do for a living, and the area they live in?Do you know about their background and family?Have you seen their photo and have you more than one photo of them in different situations?Have you spoken on the phone?Are you sure they have described themselves truthfully?

If you can answer YES to these happily then maybe it is time to meet. Only you can decide that. Think about these general dating rules, and act upon them if you think they are a good idea :-

Tell a person close to you about the meeting. Tell them where you are going, when you are meeting them, where the meeting will take place, what time you will be returning. Give a person close to you as much information as you can. If you have a mobile phone or are close to a pay phone then perhaps call to say you are fine and that everything is great.

Agree to meet in a public place first. Perhaps a restaurant or bar or somewhere where there are plenty of other people. Agree to meet somewhere that you know, in familiar surroundings where you can relax and enjoy the meeting. You could arrange to have other friends in the same place but at a distance, so you feel more relaxed.

Do not agree to be collected from work or home, and make your own way there and home on the first occasion. Perhaps get a friend to take you there and collect you afterwards.

Restrict the time of the first meeting. Perhaps a lunch hour or a short time after work. This is useful if you decide that the situation is not favorable and you need to leave.

If at any point you wish to leave then do so. Do not feel obliged to stay and find yourself feeling awkward. If you do not feel relaxed then you will not enjoy the date. You owe it to yourself to feel happy and relaxed, and it is possible that it may take a few meetings with different people before you find that special person.

Long Distance Relationships
Online Dating through sites like Lets Get Together means that you can easily meet people from all over the world. This is a fantastic way of dating and perhaps very soon you may find yourself emotionally involved with someone who lives a long way away. Perhaps that may be part of the attraction even. However you should try and be practical. If the person lives overseas then ask yourself the question as to are you serious that you will travel a long way to see that person? If you do travel and find yourself more than happy, then how easy will it be to keep up the relationship? If you are content with this situation, and you decide to meet then there are some other things you may wish to consider:

ALWAYS stay in a hotel you have arranged yourself, and never stay at their accommodation, however generous. This will allow you both to feel less pressure, to relax into the situation and find some common ground. You may have both made promises in mail or on the phone that may be harder to keep once a meeting has occurred. If possible, arrange the hotel in a secure area of the city you are visiting, and arrange the hotel yourself. It's always easier to escape a date that's not going well, when not staying with them.

Provide the details of your hotel and travel arrangements to a best friend at home, and make an arrangement to contact them when you arrive, after you have met your new friend and when you are returning. Take a mobile phone if possible and keep in contact.

Always be cautious if in any doubt, and never be uncomfortable about changing your mind and returning home at any time should the situation cause you any concern.

The Bottom Line
The bottom line? Be yourself and enjoy your dating. We know that online dating can be great fun, safe and immensely enjoyable. We have found that as long as the basic precautions are followed, then it is possible to travel locally, or indeed, anywhere in the world to meet a special partner or make new friends. The beauty of dating online is that the whole world is open to allow you to meet fantastic new people. Just use a little intuition and common sense. We hope you don't mind us offering some basic tips and wish you every success.


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ONLINE DATING
Internet online dating takes patience and practice and it's not always for the faint hearted. Just because you are seated at your own computer doesn't mean that single people will come to chat with you for no reason. No even in this medium of Internet dating, you must take the initiative and actively seek to contact those you like whilst ignoring those you do not. Many tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. Some want marriage, some seek sex, others simply wish for companionship. When accessing online dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and discourage those who are not.

When using internet dating services you must learn to take responsibility for your actions, reply to messages, send well constructed opening greetings to single people you are attracted to and get the most for your money. Yes money, because the professional dating sites are not free. That is not quite true, some Internet dating agency sites are free, but they tend not be of the same quality as a professional ecommerce Internet dating agency. No, an Internet dating agency charges for a reason. Firstly it discourages the fly-by-nights and those who seek only to surf and be curious. Secondly online dating sites are expensive to run proficiently and therefore a premium rate membership is charged to allow for premium services for communication such as onsite email, instant messaging, chat rooms, articles and assistance. In other words, you get what you pay for, and that means instant access and sophisticated means of contacting other singles.

Who are the most successful single people who date online? Well, it depends on your view of success. If you mean who are the most popular, the busiest, those with the fullest diaries, even those who go on the most dates, well that's easy. They are the people who are kind and polite to everyone, always chatting, have a good friends' list, they frequently use email and messaging, they access the chat rooms and call their voicemail to get to know single people. In other words they are busy and confident and willing to use all the dating means of communication at their disposal. If you are shy and inexperienced it doesn't matter because we are here to help you.
If you want to get the best from your dating services membership, try to present the right image, get single people to interact with you by chatting daily, and become popular online by being friendly.

These basics may help you on one of the best ways of meeting people there is:

• Obvious one - complete your dating profile fully. No, not partially! Fully! And accurately! There is nothing worse for a browsing member using dating services than spending their quality time opening your dating profile only to find your dating profile is full of Ask Me statements. Okay, it's cool that you may wish to discuss everything one-to-one and disclose nothing in advance, but you have to attract someone in the first place! Our dating members want to read about you! Today! You can start being enigmatic later. So let's start by providing something to chat about --- you! Would you go into a bar with a bag over your head? Exactly. Well an incomplete dating profile is a very similar start. So ....Be informative, be complete, be thorough,be of interest.

• When creating your own Personals ads on a singles web site, add a photograph or two or even four! Single Members with photos are likely to get up to 9 times more replies than members without any photo image attached to their dating profile. Why? Because people like to know who they are dealing with, especially when viewing dating Personals, and especially when they have already displayed their photo to you. Single people feel confident with, and possible attraction to, someone who is willing to show their face. After all, it's nice to know what your future partner looks like, right?! Okay, I know we aren't all photogenic models, but believe me; any photo is far better than none at all. Browsing Dating Personals is much more fun when viewing photos too.

• Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of you. A smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent smiling photo up close! Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than 6 months old) and that you are happy. If they are not fairly recent then okay if you look the same. However if you have altered and you post old photos then you may be not only fooling others but also yourself. Sometimes single people think that using an old photo when Internet dating won't matter because in the end its personality that counts. That is true, but once again its not generally about looks, its about honesty.

• When using a singles web site, don't be aggressive or rude in your Internet dating profile. Take some good dating advice. It may be your sense of humour to be sarcastic or cutting, but it doesn't always come across best in anonymous text. Biting humour in the first instance will not usually attract the desired attention, even if it's meant to be amusing. That comes once you are chatting.

• You may have had a bad time with a previous partner, but making a list of specific criteria a future partner must meet usually has the effect of making people look elsewhere. Even if these available singles match! We all seek Mr. Right and Miss Right, but turning dating into a job interview for singles everywhere removes every ounce of romance and passion from the occasion. Lets have fun guys and not trade resumes! If you are searching for Mr Right, girls, then make sure you present yourself as their Miss Right. Mr. Right out there, are you listening...the same applies to you!

• If you wish to use swear words on a singles web site, then save them! The best dating advice I can give is - please don't use them here in your dating profile or conversations and emails. They are generally offensive and really do turn people off.

• When Internet dating, make your dating profile truthful above all things, but emphasize your best characteristics. Admitting that you are a loner who has no friends will not win you new friends usually. But emphasizing that you are a true individual with unique genuine properties, will.

• Don't manufacture the truth as this is one of the worst things about the reputation of Internet daters and Internet dating. We pride ourselves on having very honest genuine members who are keen to date and find their perfect partner. The key thing about the truth is that it always reveals itself in the end. So, even though you may think that not being entirely accurate about perhaps a small detail isn't too important (status or age or height or weight for example), the fact is that once the truth is revealed, generally your potential Mr Right or Miss Right WILL run away. Small things shouldn't matter and often don't, but misleading someone does!

• If you really feel passionate about something say so, don't try and hide the things that are important to you. If you love partying say so, if your religion is important to you, say so. Don't suppress or hide things that are part of who you are. Stand tall and proud. Singles dating online, and people in general even, often make the error of trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. Pretending is a fool's game and it won't work.

• Chat to as many single people as possible via online dating sites and dating services using every method we offer, but also try to be realistic about time and commitment.. We have provided you with some amazing methods to communicate with, so give them a go. Frequently. A few emails once a quarter will not probably bring you life long happiness, though there is a chance. Like all things in life - the more you put in using Internet dating services, the more successful you will be.

• Do not pretend that you are willing to fly half way round the world to meet someone you have been chatting to when using online dating sites if you are not really serious. It's not fair on anyone including you. It's easy to get carried away with a lovely person seven thousand miles away, but are you really going to get out of that chair and go and meet them? If you are, you have our utmost support and respect. If you are really only looking for some one in your county or close to home then stick with that and make it clear.

• If available, use secure voicemail services to hear what single men and single women sound like. The sound of a voice is a powerful and very real experience. Perhaps try leaving someone a message. It's a good way of introducing yourself. But do plan your message in advance. Mumbling and stuttering down the phone with an unplanned message will not present a confident opening impression.

• Do use the Internet dating chat rooms to gain confidence, as they are totally anonymous and full of single women and single men like you. You can chat as part of a group, and when you feel some desire and interest or you simply feel more confident, try chatting to a person privately or one-to-one. Afterwards, why not email and send a message to introduce yourself more fully. All perfect relationships have to begin somewhere.

• Make use of your very own Internet dating friends' list, its there for you to build yourself your own special community of single men and single women you like; people you get on with, and people you can build a trusting friendship. And maybe more.

• Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious about dating, you are serious about replying. They have taken the time to talk or write to you and they may be really nice. You cannot always tell from a few sentences or a grainy photo. Then again, maybe you can! But you can't always tell a great deal from a photograph so try not to appear rude. You may not be the perfect match, but they could introduce you to someone who is!

• Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online dating sites and dating services, like anywhere else for that matter. Using an Internet dating agency requires practise and commitment like anything else worth doing. After all, it's just that one special person that you wish to meet. Sometimes you need to chat to quite a few single people first via a good Internet dating agency. Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in. Take your time to complete your Internet dating agency profile, take your time to chat with many different people using different kinds of dating services available, and take your time to get to know someone well. Socialize and chat frequently and soon enough we truly believe you will be pleasantly surprised.

• Think positive and keep thinking positive.

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