OUR DATING REGRETS
I decided to take a survey of good friends and find out what kind of regrets people had when dating. Regrets took on many different forms in their varied answers but I thought it was interesting to ask because it often highlights dating issues we often forget to mention. As with many of my surveys, the results are haphazard but are useful in pointing out that we are not alone in the mistakes that occur in our dating lives.

Here follows are a mind boggling catalogue of dating disasters that we should bear in mind as lessons learned.

1. DATING A MARRIED PERSON. Man or woman, it makes no difference. In every version the story was the same, dating a married person was a complete disaster. Not withstanding the lies, deceit, regret, cheating and false promises, on NO occasion did anyone I asked have a good outcome for their married affairs. This was one good example of how to waste your years waiting for someone who will never leave; sharing your loved one with someone else and spending thousands of pounds on stolen moments and brief weekends where you were not the only person on their mind. Avoid like the plague unless you want to lose all the dignity you ever had.

2. NOT MARRYING YOUR CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART. It appears there are a lot of people who have spent years wishing they had married the person of their dreams when they had the chance. Unfortunately this often tends to be your childhood sweetheart or first love at college. At the time you are too young and there are too many other fish in the sea. In later years you have used them as a bench mark of the minimal level of romance required for potential partners and never quite match it. This leads to a feeling of making do with second best. In turn you start hankering for the girl or boy from all those years ago.

3. NOT ASKING SOMEONE ON A DATE. This is a biggie because we are dealing with the eternal niggling "what if.." question. This tends to come out as a regret at a time when other things are not going well and you find yourself fantasizing. What if you had asked him out. What if you had said yes to that date? What if you had got married and had children. It seems that not asking someone out can leave a long term legacy. Just look at the popularity of reunion sites on the Internet just now.

4. NOT ENDING BAD RELATIONSHIPS FAST. Yes lot of us listed this one. There are many of us who have entered into a relationship willingly only to discover to our cost that the relationship wasn't all it could be. Whilst the door was only over there we chose for many a reason not to walk out of it. Whilst perhaps a worthy concept in itself it does none of us a service. The fact is, too many of us have stayed in long term relationships that were not good for ourselves and our partners. If only we had had the courage at the time.

5. DATING THE WRONG PERSON FOR THE WRONG REASONS. Maybe for sex, for appearance, for contacts, for business reasons or even out of sympathy. It appears that there are plenty of people out there who have dated people for the wrong reasons and lived to regret it. This has to be balanced against hindsight. Looking back it is obvious which people we perhaps should never have dated but there are plenty of us who dated the wrong person at the time and knew we were doing it. No excuse.

6. WAITING TOO LONG. Oh yes, this is a modern classic. Our current society has a problem in that a third of all adults are now single - and growing. The most commonly sited reason is that we put our career first, especially through out 20's and then begin seriously dating in our 30's when we feel ready. The problem is that we are not as young as we were, not as attractive as when we were 21 in many cases, our body clocks are ticking at a deafening volume and all the best catches have been snapped up. A great many of us appear to be wishing we had sorted out our love lives earlier. Be warned.

7.LEAVING SOMEONE YOU LOVED. I don't have the answers but it cropped up quite a few times in my survey and could be tied in with point 2. People in love have left and seem to struggle to find an explanation. All too often the decision was regretted very quickly only to find that the rejected partner had closed and bolted the door and you were never going to be allowed back. Infidelity is the primary cause, or more to the point, getting caught. If you love someone stay with them faithfully appears to be the lesson here.

8. NOT BEING VERY NICE. Treating someone badly in a relationship always comes back to haunt you if you are the guilty party, however empowering it may have felt at the time. As we grow older we list mentally those we could have been nicer too and I am amazed how many of us confess we could have been nicer people to our lovers. I am not talking about physical violence though we all accept that it does exist within our society. No I simply mean being courteous, kind, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, buying flowers, compromising, going on holidays and being romantic and spontaneous. We live and learn and later regret is clearly the message.

9. DUMPING SOMEONE BADLY. I have done it and I have had it done to me and I regret both happening. When young it was easy to love and leave and I never thought anything of it. As I grew older I had it done to me by someone I loved and it broke my heart. I don't think we every do get over being left in a bad way - no explanation, no reasons given. One day it's fine, the next day you're gone. Dumping via email, texting or phone should be made cardinal sins and it appears from my survey that many of us regret doing just that.


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HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER

Think back to the most romantic love letters you ever received. Were they short, full of practical advice, with suggestions for improvement?

Hardly! Most likely, they overflowed with romantic feeling, offering praise, reflecting on a shared past, and looking forward to future togetherness.

If you're stumped about what to write someone you love, here are some ideas to help you spice up your letters:

1. Use terms of endearment or personal meaning. If the two of you use special nicknames for each other, include them in your letter. Or try out some new sweet names that suggest your loved one's characteristics or personality. Don't stop with using such terms in the greeting; mention them occasionally throughout the letter in expressions like these:
"My dear Janice" (rather than "Dear Janice")
"It's been a long week without my dear one..."
"Your amber eyes are often in my thoughts."

2. Reflect on the past. Mention special times the two of you shared, whether it was when you met, how you courted, conflicts you overcame, or celebrations you've shared. A common history is a hallmark of longevity and helps to bond a couple over time. You may want to remind the loved one of certain people you used to visit or events you attended together. Make your letter a bit nostalgic to rouse the reader's sentiment.

3. Celebrate the present. Talking about current events makes them more real, even when you cannot be together to enjoy them. Describe recent times you spent together, even if they were simple things like raking leaves or sipping iced tea on the front porch. Everyday memories have a special magic of their own when shared with someone we care deeply about. Putting them into words that remain permanently etched in writing give them a memorable quality that helps to brand them in both writer and reader's memory for future reflection. Here's an example:
"Do you remember last summer when we had that argument about country music while in the car? I noticed how pretty you looked, your cheeks on fire, your eyes aflame, when you spoke with such passion! I loved you then, and even more now, despite any disagreements we may have."

4. Anticipate the future. Write about planned events or long-term goals that the two of you can share. Whether it's about saving money or going on a cruise, the very notion of working toward a mutual cause will bring the two of you closer even in writing:
"I really appreciate your giving up coffee mochas to save for our Alaska cruise next year. I can tell this means a lot to you, and I can't wait for us to share this adventure together. My contribution is giving up commercial car washes; I'll wash the Chevy myself from now on. Every little bit helps!"

5. Close with a romantic conclusion. The last words you write may well be the ones that are longest remembered. Include tender expressions of your affection, a physical caress indicated in words, and the hope of being reunited soon. The letter becomes a guarantee of your regard and a promise of continued commitment.

6. Use attractive stationery. Get a pretty card or nice-looking paper with matching envelopes for your note. Hand-write it if possible. Keep it clean and folded neatly. Mail it promptly, so you don't forget or lose it.

Writing a love letter does not have to be difficult. It just takes a few minutes of thoughtful concern to put into words the sincere feelings that lodge in your heart.

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LEARNING FROM A BREAK UP

Breakups are a learning opportunity. If you take the time to examine the reasons for your breakup, then you may be able to avoid letting history repeat itself in your dating life. There are two sides to every coin – personal growth can be the flip side to your sadness over the loss of a relationship. What was the cause of your breakup?

If you cheated on your mate, then you might be feeling very guilty and untrustworthy. You can learn from this experience that you have to work on being more honest. If you cheated, you probably were not happy in the relationship to begin with. However, you did the wrong thing by being unfaithful rather than honest. You should have ended the relationship, not strayed from it. Next time you are in a relationship, make sure that you really want to be there. It is not fair to the person that you are with for you to be unfaithful. If anyone has ever cheated on you, you know how painful it feels. Rather than dwelling on your indiscretion, forgive yourself, and move forward with the conviction that you will not do it again.

If your mate was cheating on you, and that was the cause of your breakup, there’s still an opportunity for personal growth. Understandably, you feel very hurt and betrayed. However, this is your chance to be strong and independent. You can get through this, and when you do, you will feel incredibly empowered and proud of yourself for your strength. Breaking up with your unfaithful significant other was the right move; you stood up for yourself, and you made it clear that you were not someone who is to be taken advantage of.

If your relationship ended because you wanted to take your relationship to the next level, and your mate did not want to get too serious, then you will learn to pair yourself up with a person who has similar goals for the future. Get in a relationship with someone who is looking to settle down, if that is what you are looking to do. If you were the one who did not want to get too serious, then you should be looking for someone who is also looking for a casual relationship. Leading people on is not right, and it can only lead to hurt feelings. Be honest with yourself and with the people that you date in the future.

Perhaps your mate broke up with you because you could not control your anger. You yelled too much, and you were constantly putting your significant other down. If you were not treating your mate right, then they were right to leave. You have to learn to control yourself and to express your feelings in a healthier way. This is your opportunity to change your poor behavior so that your future relationships will not suffer in the same way. You’re not a bad person; you just made some bad choices. If you have severe anger management problems, you should seek professional help.

If you’re on the other end of the abusive relationship, then you have to learn not to allow yourself to be taken advantage of and used as a human punching bag. You deserve to be treated with care and respect, and you should accept nothing less in your future relationships. Do not compromise your happiness for someone who is not treating you properly. If you have low self esteem, you have to work on feeling better about yourself before you will be ready to share your life with another person again.

If the relationship ended because you simply did not feel that it had a future, then you have to ask yourself why it is that you did not see a future between the two of you. Do you have unrealistic expectations? Or is it simply that the two of you do not want the same things out of life, or that you have grown apart over the course of your relationship? If you have established a pattern off breaking off relationships when they become too serious, then you need to determine whether not that is just a fear of commitment on your half. On the other hand, if you truly believe that your ex’s goals were too different from your own for your relationship’s future to thrive, then you should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing. If there is no future, then you should not be wasting your time, and breaking up with your mate will give you the opportunity to seek out someone whose goals are similar to your own. It is natural to feel sadness and loss after you break up with someone that you have had a romantic relationship with, but in order to get over it, you have to look for the silver lining.

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THREE REASONS TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

YOU ARE AFTER TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS
A relationship cannot survive if the two parties involved are not after the same things. If you want to be in a serious committed relationship, but your boyfriend is thinking of it as a more casual type of situation, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t put yourself in the perfect position to get hurt. If you are looking for a potential husband, then you should be dating a man who is looking to settle down. If you are focused on your career right now and not on fostering a long-term romance, then you shouldn’t be with a man who is focused on taking your relationship to the next level of commitment. It doesn’t make any sense to pair yourself up with a guy who has different intentions than you do. After you have been dating someone exclusively for a while, you should have a talk about where your relationship is headed and where both of you want to see it going. The reason that you should wait a little while, like a couple of months, before you have the “where is this relationship headed” talk is because you need to give yourself time to figure out your feelings, and so does your boyfriend. Until the two of you have established yourselves as a couple, it is too soon to make a judgment about your desires for the future. Remember, just because you decide that you think that this relationship is worth taking to the next level, that doesn’t mean that the relationship is certainly going to last – it just means that you are both willing to find out. If you have the talk and you find out that he is not interested in making things more serious and you are, then you will be able to spare yourself of further hurt feelings by ending the relationship. If you don’t talk about what the two of you want, then you are going to wind up putting your heart on your sleeve for nothing. Even if the talk doesn’t go the way you wished it would have, it is still better to find out what your boyfriend’s intentions are so that you don’t waste your time in a relationship with someone who is not on the same page as you.

ABUSE
You should never stay in a relationship with a man who is physically or emotionally abusive towards you. Physical abuse is not something that you should forgive under any circumstances – you are worth far more than a relationship that involves domestic violence. Your boyfriend may apologize until he is red in the face, but you have to stay strong and put yourself first. If he hit you once, then you have absolutely no reason to believe him when he tells you that it will never happen again, and you should not stick around to find out. Second chances are not something that should be afforded to everyone, and violent situations are a prime example of the unforgivable when it comes to a romantic relationship. You deserve better – you deserve someone who will respect you and your safety – not someone who endangers you. If you are worried that your boyfriend will become physically abusive when you break it off, then do it in a well lit public place, and be prepared to call the police. If he threatens you, you should immediately call the authorities and get a restraining order of protection against him so that your safety is not compromised. Emotional abuse can hurt just as bad as the physical kind. If your boyfriend is constantly berating you and putting you down, you should break up with him right away. If he tries to control your life by keeping tabs on your every move and monitoring your interactions with family and friends, then you need to get out of the relationship. You are in the boss of you, no matter what. Your boyfriend has no right whatsoever to dictate your existence and you need to respect yourself enough to leave a man who tries to control and hurt you.

LACK OF TRUST
If your relationship lacks trust, then you are better off without the relationship. Honesty is the most important policy for a happy couple. It is very hard to get over deception. If you are suspicious that your boyfriend has not been faithful to you, then how are you going to enjoy your time together? First off, figure out why you don’t trust your boyfriend. If it is because you have had boyfriends cheat on you in the past, then you might be behaving unfairly. You can not transfer your mistrust of one man to another. You have to work on your ability to trust. If, on the other hand, you have caught your boyfriend in lies or he has been exhibiting signs of infidelity, or if he has cheated in the past and you forgave him but suspect he is up to his old tricks again, then you should break up with him. Trying to love someone that you do not trust will make you become a jealous and insecure person, and that is not who you want to be.

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TALKING ABOUT COMMITMENT

No one can deny that romantic relationships are complex, but most of the time we (particularly men) try not to analyze and dissect them. Open communication sounds great on paper, but in practice we tend not to encourage too many serious discussions with our romantic partners. Dating is supposed to be about the dinners and the dancing and the lighthearted moments, not necessarily awkward conversations about commitments, goals and lifetime plans. But at some point in a promising relationship, both partners must delineate where they see their relationship heading and what they are willing to do in order to get it there.

Conversations about commitment should be taken seriously, but they don't have to be deadly serious. The trick is to have the conversation when it feels like a natural progression of the relationship. There is nothing worse than one partner assuming too many facts not in evidence. It's not uncommon for one partner to develop a stronger need for commitment than the other. If a conversation about commitment occurs too soon or with a partner who is not on the same wavelength, the results can be very painful. It pays to hold off on any commitment discussion until both partners have already demonstrated a sense of unspoken commitment.

It's not wrong for one partner to seek a more committed relationship than the other seems willing to pursue, but it IS wrong to seek a commitment through intimidation or sheer force of will. If the relationship itself remains strong and healthy, eventually both partners should come to a meeting of the minds regarding commitment. If no such meeting occurs, then perhaps the relationship does not have the proper foundation for future commitment. No amount of conversation can change this basic flaw in a casual relationship.

Once it becomes obvious that both partners are ready to take their relationship to a deeper level, the time for an actual conversation has come. Most professional counselors emphasize the concept of 'open communication', but they often leave out one important consideration - truly open communication is extremely difficult. In order to have a constructive conversation, try to be in a place where you both feel completely comfortable and protected. If you feel like being the initiator of the conversation about commitment, take a few deep breaths and collect your thoughts. This conversation is going to be awkward and scary and exhiliarating and all those other emotions connected with any serious talk with a potential life mate. You may feel like you're taking a tremendous risk, simply because you ARE taking a risk. This wonderful, funny, exciting casual dating partner could indeed turn around and walk straight out the door. You have every right to be nervous, but you also have the right to benefit from a committed, deeper relationship.

If everything seems to be going well with your conversation, allow it to ebb and flow without definitive answers. You want your partner to open up and share thoughts and plans he or she might feel are private. The best thing one can hope for is that the other partner has also been considering this conversation and is willing to listen with an open heart. Once you've defined where you'd like to see this relationship go- monogamous dating, engagement, marriage- then you've said all you can really say. It's up to your partner to receive and process this information before giving you a thoughtful response. This is a very delicate time in any relationship, because either the feelings are going to be reciprocated or the other party will pull away emotionally.
Once the subject of commitment has been broached, you should continue to work on the relationship even if your partner hasn't given you a response. Some couples fear that once a serious issue has arisen in their relationship, the overall partnership will no longer be fun or lighthearted.

You can ask your partner to join you in a committed relationship on Wednesday and still go see the ballgame on Saturday or watch a good movie on Sunday. Certainly a relationship may have some uncomfortable moments following a deep conversation, but it should still be fulfilling to both partners. Committed couples will often discover that their lives become a little more complicated as the relationship grows. Some people find it difficult to make decisions based on mutual needs, while others may have problems with fidelity in general. Having the conversation about commitment is only the first step towards a healthy monogamous lifestyle. Staying true to those promises requires constant vigilance and reinforcement. Demonstrate to your partner the benefits of always having someone in his or her corner. Showing your partner the payoff for a committed relationship should make his or her decision much easier.

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WHO SHOULD YOU DATE

When looking for a someone to date, use discretion and common sense. Sometimes it’s not prudent to date the most attractive or available person. Instead, take your time, check your options, and choose appropriately.

1. Look for someone who’s stable. Indicators of stability may include how long the person has held a job, where he or she works, the type of work, and income level. A person who hops from one job to the next or hasn’t much ambition may be difficult to depend on for financial needs. Even if you plan to split costs in the event of marriage, you want to know your future spouse will be able to provide for you and any children that might come along. Drinking or drug habits might further interfere with the person’s ability to hold a job or remain committed to the relationship.

2. Choose a respectful partner. Respect is a cornerstone to any healthy relationship, and should be practiced by both persons. Verbal respect is evidenced through appropriate language and tone as well as restraint when angry. For example, your partner should not resort to name-calling, excessive criticism, or constant blaming. The person can display behavioral respect by keeping promises and showing up on time. Maintaining proper boundaries is a reputable way of showing respect, as well.

3. The person should be reliable. Does she arrive on time? Are commitments maintained? Can he be counted on in a pinch? Does she do what she says she will, and when? It’s no fun to continually be disappointed by someone who doesn’t keep his word or follow through on promises. Most of us want a partner who sticks to a schedule or keeps his or her word.

4. The importance of trust. Another building block to a solid relationship, trust helps to foster commitment and longevity between two people. If you believe your partner is dedicated to you and the integrity of your union, and if you behave the same way, the two of you should be able to build a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship. Lies, half-truths, and double-dealing are sure ways to break down any hope of trust, which then will require careful rebuilding if the relationship can be salvaged at all.

5. Select a caring partner. Unless you don’t care for affectionate displays of words or embraces, you may want to seek someone who is not afraid to show emotion and attention as your relationship matures. This might take the form of verbal endearments, physical gestures, or quality time set aside to nurture the relationship. Someone who does none of these things may become a disappointment partner over time, and the relationship might fizzle.

Characteristics like these are important to many people looking for successful relationships. Of course, you may want to make your own list of things to look for in a long-term dating partner. If you settle for spontaneity, the relationship may be exciting, but you can’t be sure how things will go or how long they will last.

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KISSING
Kissing is not such a clear-cut subject as you may think. It depends where you are sitting when reading this article. For many countries in Asia for example kissing is a private affair that almost never happens in public. I remember a Filipino guy I worked with in Singapore who was completely amazed to the point of hysteria that two men were seen kissing in public on the London tube. He simply couldn't deal with that concept at all. I have lived in Asia for a while and it was very rare the whole time I was there to meet indigenous people who kissed openly. Indeed in Thailand it was far more common to rub noses than to ever touch lips.

Kissing is a sexual act to some degree and some societies simply do not view kissing as appropriate behaviour in public. Even in the UK , overt kissing in public is often frowned upon by older members of the public, even if as a youngster its perfectly natural. Then again on a summer evening in Rome, or a city park in Paris, I would expect to see couples of every age group kissing passionately as the most natural thing in the world. It all depends on where you are you see.

In western society kissing is a pretty normal mainstream pastime and rather lovely at that. The problem occurs when we start dating and are not sure when we should kiss and to what extent. The crux appears to be that we want our first kiss with someone we like to be prefect. If we begin dating and we don't kiss its unsettling, but if we are French Kissing (openmouthed) on day 1 the romance can dissolve too quickly. So it is a matter of waiting.

There is no definite here but it is pretty much accepted that on a first date, if it goes well then you should offer or accept a small kiss on the cheek and nothing more. This will occur when you go your separate ways and says that a basic level of attraction has been built up. The desire may be to kiss the lips off your date but hold back if you can. Anticipation is the mother of desire.
Of course by your second date, if you are both displaying all the signs of attraction then it won't take long before you are kissing more passionately but again it depends on the situation, culture and person you are with. Find the right place and wait as long as you cam I was dating a girl in Hong Kong and waited two weeks , seeing her 4 times a week, before we kissed properly. Believe me the kiss was worth the wait because it happened at the top of the mountain above Hong Kong called The Peak set against the lightening of an electric storm. An electric kiss it surely was and totally memorable for all the right reasons.

One thing that amazes me even now is how many people can't kiss. What I mean by that is that there are some people out there for who kissing means the oral Olympics. Having your tonsils pinned against the back of your throat by a tongue hardened like a javelin is not pleasant. The other issue seems to be people who purse their lips and make their mouth very hard when kissing. Kissing is a soft, delicate and sensual pastime savored slowly. Follow the lips of your partner and take things slowly and gently, allowing lips to brush and move so much so that they hardly touch. Kissing should make you shiver. Concentrate on the delicate corners of the mouth which are extremely sensitive and generally let the force guide you. As many woman will tell a man, kissing can be undertaken for hours and many women prefer kissing to anything else. It can be extremely sensual and sexual so don't ignore the technique.

I remember a date once telling me that she could never kiss passionately until she was sure the man was in love with her. She felt that 'proper' kissing was so explicit that it was inextricably linked to sex. If she began to kiss properly she wanted to go to bed. This tell us that kissing on dates means different things to different people. Don't expect too much at first, a kiss to some people means a great deal more to some than it may to you.

Sometimes dates will be shy and require encouragement to kiss so once you have had a few dates do take the initiative if you feel your date is being a little too shy and requires cajoling. The problem with that though is that many men are convinced they have misread the signals and dare not try and kiss in case they are wrong. This in turn can lead to a man appearing as lacking in confidence which can be critically bad. Take it from me guys, if you are on your third or fourth date and you haven't kissed but you are getting on great you may be better taking some small initiative.

Guys should also remember that kissing does not automatically lead to any other physical contact for some time, so be patient and take things slowly.

· Make sure you know how to kiss
· Ensure your hygiene is spot on
· Carry some gum if you need to freshen up
· Floss regularly
· Remember to kiss gently and sensitively
· Wait until you are ready to kiss and choose your moment
· Allow the passion of kissing to build up slowly
· Remember that a first kiss should be memorable
· Take the initiative if your partner is shy
· Learn the key body signals that demonstrate conclusively that your date wants to be kissed
· Remember that good kissing can be as sensual as sex
· Appreciate that some people do not liked to be kissed in public


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BENEFITS OF DOUBLE DATES

Many people of all ages enjoy double dating. Married couples sometimes take vacations together, while singles often bunch in couples to visit amusement parks or go out to dinner. Whatever your age, marital status, or gender, double dating can offer certain benefits and advantages:

1. Have fun! Going out with another couple generally is more fun than being a duo. With a mixture of personalities and backgrounds, you are sure to experience several viewpoints and perspectives. That is what makes double dating so much fun. Not only are you getting to know the person you’re dating, you also become more familiar with the other three people that you go out with. Shared laughter in conversation and shared emotions during a film help the group members to get to know each other better.

2. Rest secure in dating accountability. No matter who your date is, going out with another couple helps to provide more accountability for individual behavior. Any person in the group may be less likely to misbehave via improper language or overdrinking, for example, when others are around to keep an eye on things, directly or indirectly. If someone does drink too much and is unfit to drive, the other couple may take charge, send the person home in a cab, and look after the person’s date.

3. Face less pressure to talk or entertain. In a one-to-one situation, each person feels as though he or she must talk incessantly and keep the other person amused for the date to be successful. But in a group of four, individual pressure diminishes, since several people may be contributing to the conversation and in fact, competing to have the final say. You don’t have to worry about long pauses or saying the right or wrong thing, since three other people may be taking turns in the same conversation.

4. You need not fear unwelcome advances. With another couple around, there is less if any chance of your date putting the moves on you. Of course, if the other couple starts getting passionate, your date may become aroused as well. But hopefully the four of you will agree ahead of time as to the turn of events and behavioral standards. Sometimes the latter is unspoken, especially if both couples know each other well, but everyone should know what to expect and what is acceptable.

5. Group discounts may be available. Going out with one or more other couples can lead to an entertainment discount. Dining coupons often provide a two-for-one experience. While one couple can take advantage of such offers on their own, doing so with other couples makes the experience more enjoyable. Amusement parks or theaters may offer discounts for admission fees for groups of several persons. It pays to call ahead and ask.

Going out on a double date makes the event more like a group outing with friends than a romantic interlude with a potential partner. Decide in advance which situation you want to cultivate before arranging your night out—with or without a double date

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FIRST IMPRESSIONS FOR MEN
In you stroll, looking hot in that new dress or suit with the Manolo's or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know he wants you. Go get him girl. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt. You are feeling good, you are feeling successful, you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.

Now I am not saying that we need to spend a King's ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever. But I am suggesting that when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, its important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too. Good style means a good level of confidence.

Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn't wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style. Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don't choose to go in them is not the point. Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.

Okay so whilst my female readership doesn't need a lecture in self presentation generally, my male readership often does. The first thing I want you to remember men is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc. All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can't dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her.

But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store. Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don't mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out. Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!

Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn't need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. I have news for you, most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn't happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea. Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.

Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are. Whilst there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost. A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.

Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch. This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.
You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers. Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style. Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.

I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.

Finally, though I have spelt this out before, I will do it one more time. Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.

Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.

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SELECTING AN ONLINE DATING SITE
There are a proliferation of dating websites available to both general and specialist groups today. From professional agencies like www.lets-get-together.co.uk which deal with thousands of profiles worldwide, to those which concentrate purely on a single religion, sexuality or location. I would never advocate selecting just a single specialist dating site at first because you really are putting all your eggs in one basket.

Most dating sites have security and privacy policies and those that don't are best avoided. By security we mean that they vet their members, they have policies and terms of use allowing people to be removed, or barred from the site. They may have protective measures in place to ensure that the members dating online will not face any serious annoyance when logged in. On top of that some sites will register with data protection registrars and have a strict password system protecting accounts.

The very best dating sites will be aware particularly of women's issues when dating online and will have a positive policy allowing women members to block those who they do not wish to communicate with, without repercussions. There are some sites that penalize for blocking and we would never advocate you to use them.

Email should always be a private affair when dating online and the top dating sites usually keep your email within the site itself so that you have a protected in box but messages are never transmitted to your real world address. Instant messaging is increasingly seen as very important when dating online and allows instant communication with other members who are online at that time. This facilitates easy and private chats, which can lead to positive relationship building.

Chat rooms don't occur on all dating websites but we see them as very useful for new daters and socialites who love to chat to many people at once. It is a good way of getting your typing and chat skills on top form. The best sites allow you to use a different name in a chat room to your regular profile to maintain anonymity levels. The other communication feature we now see increasingly is voicemail. Apart from being able to communicate online it is very useful to be able to lave voice messages and listen too without ever giving out a real phone number

Here are some key things I believe you should always keep in mind when attempting to use the Internet for romance.

Use a professional introduction agency, one that has been established for at least 3 years
Use an Internet dating specialist firm, not some extra which is an afterthought
Use an agency that allows free profile registration for all members
Use an online service that allows you to post more than one photo for free
Use a dating services agency that has a secure ecommerce system
Do not use completely free agencies as you don't often get top quality services
Do find an online agency that offers email and messaging that are onsite
Don't use agencies that insist on sending emails to your own inbox
The best Internet dating specialists offer you great customer service
Use an agency that is appealing and relaxed and suits your style
Don't go for agencies that pay for adverts to catch your eye, they are not always the best
Look for online agencies that provide detailed dating articles and advice
Make sure that the online agency includes their full address and phone number
International websites usually have the best variety of member profiles
Find an Internet agency that is willing to chat about any issues you may have
Use an agency that offers different methods of secure payment
Some of the best dating agencies allow payment in different currencies
It is essential that you can Browse & Find profiles for free
Make sure that the search facilities are fast and suit your style of searching


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ONLINE DATING TIPS
At Lets Get Together , we are here to help you be successful in dating and meeting new friends. It's what we do best. We want to take this opportunity of providing you with some hints and tips on helping you date safely, and successfully find that special person. You may wish to make and meet a new friend. Your main interest may be in dating online or dating in person, you may wish to find love and romance, perhaps the person you dream of marrying. It could be that you wish to travel or play sport or an activity and need a companion or other activity partner to come along.

The key to meeting new friends is to have fun, relax and enjoy. http://www.lets-get-together.co.uk/is an excellent example of a dating site environment in which you can do these things safely and without any pressure. If you decide to meet someone there or in the outside world, then we feel there are some basic ideas you should follow for your personal comfort.
Of course, they cannot take responsibility for your actions using their services, as you are all adults, but they can offer some advice based on our own experiences.

Okay, so what can you do to help yourself?

First you need to get replies to your emails and messages. To do this here are some tips you may find helpful:-

Think about how your profile is written. Ensure there are NO spelling mistakes in your My Own Words section and your emails and messages. This is the first important rule.

Keep your description short but be completely honest. If you are not being truthful then when you meet, you will be discovered, if not before.

Add fun and humour to your profile, and don't be too serious at first.

Don't be afraid to state who you wish to meet and why. Most adults know the kind of person they are attracted to, even if they are not sure why.

Tell people what you like and perhaps things you don't. Don't be offensive though.

Take your time, you can edit your profile at Lets Get Together at any time. Change it occasionally to keep it fresh, and try to be original.

Add a photo to your profile. We find that a member with a photo can get anything up to 9 times the amount of replies, in comparison with those that do not include one.

Be polite with messaging, and don’t make judgments about the length of time to get a reply.

Please don’t feel you need to block someone just because they are too busy to chat this time. Be cool.

Keep your first email short and to the point, perhaps humorous and interesting. Don't include too much detail at this point, and just a few things that you have in common. Make the email talkative and allow it to flow. Don't be too serious at this stage or too emotional.

Do NOT include you personal details in an introduction email. Leave that until a relationship is established, and you feel very comfortable with the other person.

Try and contact a few people at the same time, but always those who you have matched, not those who you have nothing in common with as they will not welcome your contact.

Be honest and stick to the truth. It is all too easy to add things that at this stage are not checkable. However, you may get caught out later and ruin a fantastic friendship or romance.

Always reply quite quickly to any messages.

Don't talk about money or possessions at this time. Most people like or love someone for who they are, not what they have. We assume you do not want to find someone who simply wants you for what you can provide.

Do not apply any form of pressure in an email, whether it be for a reply or a meeting. Do not be critical of their profile or photo. This will create a negative response.

Okay, so once you have mailed other members and are receiving their emails, then you may wish to consider the following:-

Ensure Your Privacy is Protected

The information you supply when you register at dating sites like Lets Get Together is completely confidential. Your registration details are kept secret from all members and under no circumstances are made available to any third party. No member of staff should ever ask you for your password. They must NOT use your contact or email details for marketing purposes. Any member who matches you in their searches can only see what you have told them in terms of your personal profile, nothing more. Therefore, remember not to include you actual email address or telephone number in the text of your profile or in emails unless you are sure that you would like to take your friendship further. Dating sites generally cannot access your emails and do not have any control on what information you supply to another member. If someone you are in contact with is not giving much away then perhaps you should err on the side of caution.

Listen to Your Intuition

Often overlooked I feel. This is the thing we all use on a daily basis and we all trust our intuition often. It’s easy to get carried away when someone appears to be interested. Remember the rule, if you suspect something, you are probably correct. Trust your judgment. Listen to what you are being told. Ask many questions. Don't give too many details away if the other person tells you very little. If someone is being honest, they will be happy to tell you about themselves and their lives.

A key point is to make sure that you are enjoying your online dating. Never ever let someone pressure you. If you don't want to explain something or provide certain details then do not. A real friend will behave in a patient and relaxed way. After receiving an email, sit back and think about what you are being told, take your time and try and sense the person behind the email. And read their profile thoroughly.

When the Time Comes

At some point you may wish to meet in person the friend you have made. Remember the rule, you only have to meet someone if you really want to. If you feel uncomfortable about meeting, then don't agree to meet. Even if you have agreed, you can change your mind whenever you like. Perhaps you need to chat for longer, perhaps it would be better to use the phone first. Do not give out your home number, address, or personal details unless you are sure about the person you wish to meet.

If you do decide it's time to take your friendship a step further, then here are some things to think about. It may save you a great deal of time and effort: -

Ask yourself these questions:

Do you feel you know the person well?Have they answered all your question?Are they patient, good humored and fun?Do you trust them?Have they applied any pressure on you?Do you know what they do for a living, and the area they live in?Do you know about their background and family?Have you seen their photo and have you more than one photo of them in different situations?Have you spoken on the phone?Are you sure they have described themselves truthfully?

If you can answer YES to these happily then maybe it is time to meet. Only you can decide that. Think about these general dating rules, and act upon them if you think they are a good idea :-
Tell a person close to you about the meeting. Tell them where you are going, when you are meeting them, where the meeting will take place, what time you will be returning. Give a person close to you as much information as you can. If you have a mobile phone or are close to a pay phone then perhaps call to say you are fine and that everything is great.

Agree to meet in a public place first. Perhaps a restaurant or bar or somewhere where there are plenty of other people. Agree to meet somewhere that you know, in familiar surroundings where you can relax and enjoy the meeting. You could arrange to have other friends in the same place but at a distance, so you feel more relaxed.

Do not agree to be collected from work or home, and make your own way there and home on the first occasion. Perhaps get a friend to take you there and collect you afterwards.

Restrict the time of the first meeting. Perhaps a lunch hour or a short time after work. This is useful if you decide that the situation is not favorable and you need to leave.

If at any point you wish to leave then do so. Do not feel obliged to stay and find yourself feeling awkward. If you do not feel relaxed then you will not enjoy the date. You owe it to yourself to feel happy and relaxed, and it is possible that it may take a few meetings with different people before you find that special person.

Long Distance Relationships

Online Dating through sites like Lets Get Together means that you can easily meet people from all over the world. This is a fantastic way of dating and perhaps very soon you may find yourself emotionally involved with someone who lives a long way away. Perhaps that may be part of the attraction even. However you should try and be practical. If the person lives overseas then ask yourself the question as to are you serious that you will travel a long way to see that person? If you do travel and find yourself more than happy, then how easy will it be to keep up the relationship? If you are content with this situation, and you decide to meet then there are some other things you may wish to consider:

ALWAYS stay in a hotel you have arranged yourself, and never stay at their accommodation, however generous. This will allow you both to feel less pressure, to relax into the situation and find some common ground. You may have both made promises in mail or on the phone that may be harder to keep once a meeting has occurred. If possible, arrange the hotel in a secure area of the city you are visiting, and arrange the hotel yourself. It's always easier to escape a date that's not going well, when not staying with them.

Provide the details of your hotel and travel arrangements to a best friend at home, and make an arrangement to contact them when you arrive, after you have met your new friend and when you are returning. Take a mobile phone if possible and keep in contact.

Always be cautious if in any doubt, and never be uncomfortable about changing your mind and returning home at any time should the situation cause you any concern.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line? Be yourself and enjoy your dating. We know that online dating can be great fun, safe and immensely enjoyable. We have found that as long as the basic precautions are followed, then it is possible to travel locally, or indeed, anywhere in the world to meet a special partner or make new friends. The beauty of dating online is that the whole world is open to allow you to meet fantastic new people. Just use a little intuition and common sense. We hope you don't mind us offering some basic tips and wish you every success.


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